Sick
Why do I miss you so fucking much?
I don't want to anymore
I'm sick of wishing
I just wanted something more
Why'd you use me
then just cut my throat?
Why did I have to be your boat?
That leaked and sunk to the bottom
That now seem to be lost and forgotten
Why can't you stop haunting me?
Why can't you just leave me be?
Fuck
I fucking trusted you
Dreaming
I've been waiting for you
It's such a shame
But it's not up for choose
I sure always took the blame
Forever fear the pain of loss
Feel nothing ever, for anyone
I cannot deal with another toss
It's all over now
So much for the fun
Fear everything now
When the end has begun
It's all downhill from here
The fog shadows but the end is near
The man in the box, shot out
I feel the gravity pulling me down
Fevered dreams of a man in a cloud
The shooting stars are masked
No more wishes to left to grant
I just wish I would've asked
The dream is over and now I can't.
It's such a shame
But it's not up for choose
I sure always took the blame
Forever fear the pain of loss
Feel nothing ever, for anyone
I cannot deal with another toss
It's all over now
So much for the fun
Fear everything now
When the end has begun
It's all downhill from here
The fog shadows but the end is near
The man in the box, shot out
I feel the gravity pulling me down
Fevered dreams of a man in a cloud
The shooting stars are masked
No more wishes to left to grant
I just wish I would've asked
The dream is over and now I can't.
Destiny
Where else could I be?
What could I have done differently?
Ain't it funny, destiny?
I was born to die
Nothing will change, but give it a try
But I have to have lived to be able to die
So I guess that I was dead all along
No wonder that you left me alone
That is how I shall remain
Alone and filled with pain
But my agony's about to end
Feelings buried, letter sent
Goodbye, my love
What could I have done differently?
Ain't it funny, destiny?
I was born to die
Nothing will change, but give it a try
But I have to have lived to be able to die
So I guess that I was dead all along
No wonder that you left me alone
That is how I shall remain
Alone and filled with pain
But my agony's about to end
Feelings buried, letter sent
Goodbye, my love
Heart
Everything is going to hell
And I can breathe
I can see my heart
Beat in and out of step
It is getting crowded here.
And I can breathe
I can see my heart
Beat in and out of step
It is getting crowded here.
Bones
I don't think they understand.
No one knows.
My body is giving in.
My mind is trembling.
I am no longer here.
Floating ashore nowhere.
That is where my heart is.
That is where there are no words.
That is my empty home,
And that is where I shall lay my bones.
No one knows.
My body is giving in.
My mind is trembling.
I am no longer here.
Floating ashore nowhere.
That is where my heart is.
That is where there are no words.
That is my empty home,
And that is where I shall lay my bones.
Terra
I heard the planet crying.
I started crying.
The warmth, the bright shining light.
The snow melting before my eyes.
My eyes melt before its cries.
I see myself within these ties.
I started crying.
The warmth, the bright shining light.
The snow melting before my eyes.
My eyes melt before its cries.
I see myself within these ties.
Distant
I don't want to hurt no more
Why is there no way out of this?
Every sigh is just another miss
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to die on my own
There has to be a way out of here
'Cause where I am, nothing is near
I am distant like a rock out in space
I look but all I see is her face
I can't take it no more
I am drowned, swallowed, washed ashore
There has to be a way out of this
'Cause without her I am just another miss
Why is there no way out of this?
Every sigh is just another miss
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to die on my own
There has to be a way out of here
'Cause where I am, nothing is near
I am distant like a rock out in space
I look but all I see is her face
I can't take it no more
I am drowned, swallowed, washed ashore
There has to be a way out of this
'Cause without her I am just another miss
The Bull
Tango about
Turn around your third world eye
Guns are ablazing
Tear up the nuclear sky
Penicillin lies about the weather here
A bullet will surely make it clear
Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns
Dropping baggage just to float away
In your air balloon of justice
It will all fade to gray
All the words I mouthed
Every promise, every sound
Airwaves lost in many years of doubt
Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns
Turn around your third world eye
Guns are ablazing
Tear up the nuclear sky
Penicillin lies about the weather here
A bullet will surely make it clear
Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns
Dropping baggage just to float away
In your air balloon of justice
It will all fade to gray
All the words I mouthed
Every promise, every sound
Airwaves lost in many years of doubt
Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns
The Kübler-Ross Model
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Repeat
Endless spiral
The rain ain't getting wetter
They fucking lied
It never gets better.
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Repeat
Endless spiral
The rain ain't getting wetter
They fucking lied
It never gets better.
God
One God, only one God
Who's there to save you
One thought, only one thought
That is you
You are God
Who's the creator of everything?
You create this world every goddamn day
In your fucking head
Who knows?
Who can you trust?
What can you trust?
Your government?
Your family?
Your fucking self?
One God, only one God
Who giveth and who taketh
One thought, only one thought
You are the only one who really cares
We live in our heads
We talk to ourselves
We pollute each other
With fucking bullshit
We feed each other with a meaning
Which is a fucking lie
One God, only One God
We are our own lord
One thought, only one thought
We are our own lie
This is fucking pointless
Kill yourself.
Who's there to save you
One thought, only one thought
That is you
You are God
Who's the creator of everything?
You create this world every goddamn day
In your fucking head
Who knows?
Who can you trust?
What can you trust?
Your government?
Your family?
Your fucking self?
One God, only one God
Who giveth and who taketh
One thought, only one thought
You are the only one who really cares
We live in our heads
We talk to ourselves
We pollute each other
With fucking bullshit
We feed each other with a meaning
Which is a fucking lie
One God, only One God
We are our own lord
One thought, only one thought
We are our own lie
This is fucking pointless
Kill yourself.
The Truth Hurts
I hope that you read every word
Cause every word I write's for you
About you
"you are the sun, and I am the earth"
My world revolves around you
You say I'm mad,
at least I mean what I say
At least I keep my intentions on the radar
Cause I ain't no lying piece of shit like you
I hope you drown and wash ashore
With no place left to go
I might be there,
I might be gone forever
All I know is that because of you,
I will never ever recover
Never ever
Does that sound fair to you?
Or to your replacement of a man?
Is he the one?
Did you lie to us both all along?
Well done,
I hope you're satisfied
You have completely destroyed
The one who you claimed to love
Cause every word I write's for you
About you
"you are the sun, and I am the earth"
My world revolves around you
You say I'm mad,
at least I mean what I say
At least I keep my intentions on the radar
Cause I ain't no lying piece of shit like you
I hope you drown and wash ashore
With no place left to go
I might be there,
I might be gone forever
All I know is that because of you,
I will never ever recover
Never ever
Does that sound fair to you?
Or to your replacement of a man?
Is he the one?
Did you lie to us both all along?
Well done,
I hope you're satisfied
You have completely destroyed
The one who you claimed to love
Fake
I pray for this train,
this car, this plane
To crash and to burn,
to collide with me
Tear this world apart
Not much left to keep
The scavengers even flee
It hurts more to be than to hurt
Fuck
Was anything real?
I am surrounded by carnivore beasts, liars, beggars and fakes
Dress to impress the studio audience
Play your games, dear
Keep your act together
Abuse your powers, your authority
Anything to keep your head above water
this car, this plane
To crash and to burn,
to collide with me
Tear this world apart
Not much left to keep
The scavengers even flee
It hurts more to be than to hurt
Fuck
Was anything real?
I am surrounded by carnivore beasts, liars, beggars and fakes
Dress to impress the studio audience
Play your games, dear
Keep your act together
Abuse your powers, your authority
Anything to keep your head above water
Sinking Ships
You were my blinding light
In my darkness
Is this living?
I don't want to see anymore
Blinding darkness
Sinking in
You lied, you lied, I believed
You said you could
only ever love me
You laugh last
I die fast
Were we not meant to be?
To be
I were never meant to be
I was born a bastard lie
Now I have to pay for staying me
You sank my entire fleet
You burnt my bridge
You left me out for the sharks to feed
In my darkness
Is this living?
I don't want to see anymore
Blinding darkness
Sinking in
You lied, you lied, I believed
You said you could
only ever love me
You laugh last
I die fast
Were we not meant to be?
To be
I were never meant to be
I was born a bastard lie
Now I have to pay for staying me
You sank my entire fleet
You burnt my bridge
You left me out for the sharks to feed
Sailing in Space pt. II
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Every time the same old routine
Slit my throat, ghost ship out at sea
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
I move my limbs from place to place
But my tree was planted within our space
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Ghost ship out at sea, harboring in anything
Sold my anchor, my heart, to thee
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Perish
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Every time the same old routine
Slit my throat, ghost ship out at sea
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
I move my limbs from place to place
But my tree was planted within our space
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Ghost ship out at sea, harboring in anything
Sold my anchor, my heart, to thee
Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Perish
Ultraviolet Solar Radiation vs. Mankind
I gasp
There is no air
There ain't no air here
I've been carrying
This garbage all my life
There ain't never no trash can in sight
Give up hope, throw it on the ground
Planet Earth was lost and shamed
long before I was born anyway
I gasp
There ain't no air
I grasp
There's nothing there
There is no air
There ain't no air here
I've been carrying
This garbage all my life
There ain't never no trash can in sight
Give up hope, throw it on the ground
Planet Earth was lost and shamed
long before I was born anyway
I gasp
There ain't no air
I grasp
There's nothing there
Sprained Souls
I didn't know better
I did not know anything else
Now I care less and less
Learn to live or to live less
The knee I rest upon
Slowly, slowly crack
It might as well have been my back
Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Dead, less dead
Alive, less alive
I told you, I promised
My love to you is golden
Take turns with your alter ego
To break your promises
The knee we rested upon,
Bit for bit, would slowly crack
It might as well have been my back
Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Alive, more alive
Dead, more dead
As if I could die any more...
I did not know anything else
Now I care less and less
Learn to live or to live less
The knee I rest upon
Slowly, slowly crack
It might as well have been my back
Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Dead, less dead
Alive, less alive
I told you, I promised
My love to you is golden
Take turns with your alter ego
To break your promises
The knee we rested upon,
Bit for bit, would slowly crack
It might as well have been my back
Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Alive, more alive
Dead, more dead
As if I could die any more...
Sailing In Space
For those that will prevail
For those that walk astray
I guess I am of the latter
And I hope for something better
But reality prevails
And life decays
I look for nothing
I found this something
To meet ones maker
Ones mother, ones creator
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
I turn fluid from all the booze
I leak into this noose
For forever had its limit
Like our universe is as timid
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
For those that can believe
For those not lost at sea
That hold onto that mast
It's all a lie, our lives run fast
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
There's no driver at the wheel
It's better that way
There's no anchor in my boat
I anchored once, never more
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
For those that walk astray
I guess I am of the latter
And I hope for something better
But reality prevails
And life decays
I look for nothing
I found this something
To meet ones maker
Ones mother, ones creator
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
I turn fluid from all the booze
I leak into this noose
For forever had its limit
Like our universe is as timid
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
For those that can believe
For those not lost at sea
That hold onto that mast
It's all a lie, our lives run fast
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
There's no driver at the wheel
It's better that way
There's no anchor in my boat
I anchored once, never more
But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space
Bruised
I want out of this hell,
I want to believe that there's a way
out of here
I wish I could see another path ahead
It's filled with bruised redemptions
None real, none true
I want to believe there's a way
out of here
I want out of this hell
But I don't see any piers anywhere
the darkness and sharks have swallowed me.
I want to believe that there's a way
out of here
I wish I could see another path ahead
It's filled with bruised redemptions
None real, none true
I want to believe there's a way
out of here
I want out of this hell
But I don't see any piers anywhere
the darkness and sharks have swallowed me.
Petroleum Skies
Give up
I wore you thin
My place in this universe
I wore within
My tomb, my love, my hearse
Give up
Terrible notions
Lost for the living
Humble emotions
Forgotten and forgiven
Give up
I saw you shine
Through petroleum heavy skies
I saw something divine
I saw infinity in your eyes
Give up
I wore you thin
My place in this universe
I wore within
My tomb, my love, my hearse
Give up
Terrible notions
Lost for the living
Humble emotions
Forgotten and forgiven
Give up
I saw you shine
Through petroleum heavy skies
I saw something divine
I saw infinity in your eyes
Give up
Leeches and Vampires / Hope and Love
How many times do I have to give up?
How many times do I have to give in?
I love you so much that I have to let go
But I love you enough to never do so
I write and I write and I write myself off
I write 'till my fingers wither and fall off
My hope has been buried once too many times
but "her love is a vampire", and she will arise and comply
Leech till there's nothing left to bleed
Blood and love, what is the difference?
Puncture my veins and bleed me dry
Give me hope and abandon again, when do I learn?
When do I learn and how do I know
When do you stop and when will you show
When to stop waiting, where to bury the spade
I'll bury my spade with you, my love, my vampire, my grave.
How many times do I have to give in?
I love you so much that I have to let go
But I love you enough to never do so
I write and I write and I write myself off
I write 'till my fingers wither and fall off
My hope has been buried once too many times
but "her love is a vampire", and she will arise and comply
Leech till there's nothing left to bleed
Blood and love, what is the difference?
Puncture my veins and bleed me dry
Give me hope and abandon again, when do I learn?
When do I learn and how do I know
When do you stop and when will you show
When to stop waiting, where to bury the spade
I'll bury my spade with you, my love, my vampire, my grave.
For You
I want to live in an alternative universe
I want to stay alive, or stay buried
I want to live my life long or short
I want to cope with myself and with my broken heart
I want to have my dreams back
I want to create art
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where time doesn't exist
Where you die before birth
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where you are alive
Where I drive a hearse
Tell the ghosts that we never met
Tell my tears to never grow shed
Say the things you want to hear
Bear the burdens you carry to my ear
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where we never left
Where I'm arrested for theft
I dug my grave quite well
You dug one faster though
In it, of your hands, I will forever dwell
I am struggling alone with this chapter
Will the book end or go on
And what will it matter after?
I want to stay alive, or stay buried
I want to live my life long or short
I want to cope with myself and with my broken heart
I want to have my dreams back
I want to create art
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where time doesn't exist
Where you die before birth
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where you are alive
Where I drive a hearse
Tell the ghosts that we never met
Tell my tears to never grow shed
Say the things you want to hear
Bear the burdens you carry to my ear
I want to live in an alternative universe
Where we never left
Where I'm arrested for theft
I dug my grave quite well
You dug one faster though
In it, of your hands, I will forever dwell
I am struggling alone with this chapter
Will the book end or go on
And what will it matter after?
Declared Depressed But Fine
What does it matter?
Your treatment, medicine and psychiatrists
I am back at square one
And there is only one square in this game.
Your treatment, medicine and psychiatrists
I am back at square one
And there is only one square in this game.
Home II
Home, it rocks you up and down
Home, it follows you around
Home, where your feet are always cold
Home, where you never grow old
Home, a place to call your own
Home, a place where you share your throne
Home, loving strangers and love them blind
Home, the sack of every new born child
Home, it flocks you among sheep
Home, it slits your throat when you fall asleep
Home is where I am
Home is where I end
Home are these flesh and bones
This home is my home is my home.
Home, it follows you around
Home, where your feet are always cold
Home, where you never grow old
Home, a place to call your own
Home, a place where you share your throne
Home, loving strangers and love them blind
Home, the sack of every new born child
Home, it flocks you among sheep
Home, it slits your throat when you fall asleep
Home is where I am
Home is where I end
Home are these flesh and bones
This home is my home is my home.
Dr. Sadomasochism
I am a person
Unlike you
Suicidal?
Self-harm?
ED?
Ever had any of these?
I am a person
Unlike you
Unlike anyone
I wish you a merry world
of tragedy and suffering
I'm half your age
I've got twice your brain
You are not suited
for this line of work
Please...
Just fuck off.
Unlike you
Suicidal?
Self-harm?
ED?
Ever had any of these?
I am a person
Unlike you
Unlike anyone
I wish you a merry world
of tragedy and suffering
I'm half your age
I've got twice your brain
You are not suited
for this line of work
Please...
Just fuck off.
The Law of 5
What is real?
What I can touch?
What I can see?
The radio waves of a snoring man.
What is real?
What I can I trust,
And who can I trust?
My whole existence in a shoebox
A man is only what he knows
A man is only what he believes
The 5 senses, the 5 sensations
The law of 5 and a spoon of inspiration
But man is but a dreaming child
The wild desires are running wild
To become this and to become that
Orchestra a play so blind, be the mouse or be the rat
What I can touch?
What I can see?
The radio waves of a snoring man.
What is real?
What I can I trust,
And who can I trust?
My whole existence in a shoebox
A man is only what he knows
A man is only what he believes
The 5 senses, the 5 sensations
The law of 5 and a spoon of inspiration
But man is but a dreaming child
The wild desires are running wild
To become this and to become that
Orchestra a play so blind, be the mouse or be the rat
Karma
Sick of pep talk
Sick of these sharks
Nibbling at my heels
And then telling me how it feels
Fuck off and get pregnant
I could care less about your fake ass sentiment
Where were you back then
I hate my species for thinking they care 'bout their specimen
But it's a fact that human being
Only do good, for the receiving
We are our only friend
No need to pretend
You feed off emotion
Until it's gone
They cast no reflection
Give no affection
They cast no shadow and
You will cast none either in the end.
Sick of these sharks
Nibbling at my heels
And then telling me how it feels
Fuck off and get pregnant
I could care less about your fake ass sentiment
Where were you back then
I hate my species for thinking they care 'bout their specimen
But it's a fact that human being
Only do good, for the receiving
We are our only friend
No need to pretend
You feed off emotion
Until it's gone
They cast no reflection
Give no affection
They cast no shadow and
You will cast none either in the end.
Ebola Geisha
I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Take on Egypt
Quicksand encrypt
Take on Russia
Fulfill with vodka
I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Take on Asia
Enola geisha
Take on American dreaming
Free every living being
I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Free every living being
Wipe out everything
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Take on Egypt
Quicksand encrypt
Take on Russia
Fulfill with vodka
I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Take on Asia
Enola geisha
Take on American dreaming
Free every living being
I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past
Free every living being
Wipe out everything
Life Camp
You shall not lie
You shall lie
It doesn't matter
They will shoot you either way
I have lived
I have witnessed
Show me mercy,
Let me live
You shall not laugh
You shall not cry
They will have no mercy
So get in line
No smiles,
No songs,
No hopes,
No dreams
Work for the man
And you will never be free.
You shall lie
It doesn't matter
They will shoot you either way
I have lived
I have witnessed
Show me mercy,
Let me live
You shall not laugh
You shall not cry
They will have no mercy
So get in line
No smiles,
No songs,
No hopes,
No dreams
Work for the man
And you will never be free.
The End = The Beginning
The sun rises once more
The son arises from his tomb therefore
I walk among with the aura that drags me
I walk along with the sun and thee
The weights, the carriage, it weighs me down
The shakes in my legs, the social break-ins at dawn
I cry out in fear and anxiety
Please take me out, please, out of this society
The knees give in and shatter
As I realize, well, what does it matter?
The sun downs once again
The aura drags me along to my tomb, where I shall remain.
Oh never again, not a chance in hell
That I'll return to your ruins in your shell
Ghost towns all across the world
Nuclear war has annihilated your words
Then I shall return, when there is nothing but your bones
When the sun won't rise, I shall claim my throne.
The son arises from his tomb therefore
I walk among with the aura that drags me
I walk along with the sun and thee
The weights, the carriage, it weighs me down
The shakes in my legs, the social break-ins at dawn
I cry out in fear and anxiety
Please take me out, please, out of this society
The knees give in and shatter
As I realize, well, what does it matter?
The sun downs once again
The aura drags me along to my tomb, where I shall remain.
Oh never again, not a chance in hell
That I'll return to your ruins in your shell
Ghost towns all across the world
Nuclear war has annihilated your words
Then I shall return, when there is nothing but your bones
When the sun won't rise, I shall claim my throne.
Trash Can
I lived all of my life in a trash can
Nothing but, but it was enough
A trash can
Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand
My world is a trash can
I only live of your trash can
You only offer me trash, man
How the hell am I supposed to react then?
Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand
Nothing but, but it was enough
A trash can
Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand
My world is a trash can
I only live of your trash can
You only offer me trash, man
How the hell am I supposed to react then?
Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand
The Underworld
We live in the underworld
Is this the underworld?
It's not how I pictured it
but I went by how they painted it
This is the underworld
It has to be the underworld
And we shall never rise
For we have no upper world.
Is this the underworld?
It's not how I pictured it
but I went by how they painted it
This is the underworld
It has to be the underworld
And we shall never rise
For we have no upper world.
Idiots
I'm surrounded by idiots
We are all idiots
If one live among idiots,
one shall become one.
Fucking idiots.
We are all idiots
If one live among idiots,
one shall become one.
Fucking idiots.
Trees and Sharks
The greatest fascination
The exploding reaction
The deepest fear
The ruthless tears
The settling with dissatisfaction
The end is here
The giving in to
The exploding reaction
The deepest fear
The ruthless tears
The settling with dissatisfaction
The end is here
The giving in to
Muse
I remember the beautiful rain
The soothing sounds from the warm insides
Now that I remind myself, all I feel is pain
And how could I ever feel otherwise,
My muse
All you ever did was to pretend
You had it all planned out
You set up and played the end
You always knew that I wouldn't survive without
My muse
From the foreign fields that I'll never see
I depart and picture us there
I refuse to be what you want me to be
Without you, the home for me is nowhere near,
My muse
I sit here and wait for the meds to take effect
I play the guitar, while I don't know how
I play the notes of a de-winged insect
I play what I feel and that is sorrow,
My muse
I think of you and I break all the strings
You are haunting and hunting
I try to fly, but I have no wings
I don't think the meds are working,
My muse
My muse, may I call you my muse
You are no longer mine so I have nothing to loose
I will break his skull beneath my shoes
And after that, I'll surely get my noose,
My muse.
The soothing sounds from the warm insides
Now that I remind myself, all I feel is pain
And how could I ever feel otherwise,
My muse
All you ever did was to pretend
You had it all planned out
You set up and played the end
You always knew that I wouldn't survive without
My muse
From the foreign fields that I'll never see
I depart and picture us there
I refuse to be what you want me to be
Without you, the home for me is nowhere near,
My muse
I sit here and wait for the meds to take effect
I play the guitar, while I don't know how
I play the notes of a de-winged insect
I play what I feel and that is sorrow,
My muse
I think of you and I break all the strings
You are haunting and hunting
I try to fly, but I have no wings
I don't think the meds are working,
My muse
My muse, may I call you my muse
You are no longer mine so I have nothing to loose
I will break his skull beneath my shoes
And after that, I'll surely get my noose,
My muse.
Lies-ha
I awoke hungover from all these meds
I thought to myself that if I could have one wish,
I'd wish I'd never been born
It'll take more than chemicals, empty talks and a good nights sleep
To recover from this disease that you have given me
We can blame everything and everyone
But I blame you for giving me a reason to breathe
And I blame you, mom and dad,
For being so irresponsible and dumb
You gave me life but now I'm dead
Accidents happen, right?
And the trickery and lies that resulted in me
And the treachery and lies that came down to this.
I have no more words left in me.
I thought to myself that if I could have one wish,
I'd wish I'd never been born
It'll take more than chemicals, empty talks and a good nights sleep
To recover from this disease that you have given me
We can blame everything and everyone
But I blame you for giving me a reason to breathe
And I blame you, mom and dad,
For being so irresponsible and dumb
You gave me life but now I'm dead
Accidents happen, right?
And the trickery and lies that resulted in me
And the treachery and lies that came down to this.
I have no more words left in me.
Better Off Dead
I wonder what went through your head after you hung up.
"he's better off dead"?
What else is there
I guess I have nothing good to offer.
I guess you will never love me again.
Or that you never did.
So what is left?
A girl with a broken heart
A boy with a broken world
I guess I am better off dead.
"he's better off dead"?
What else is there
I guess I have nothing good to offer.
I guess you will never love me again.
Or that you never did.
So what is left?
A girl with a broken heart
A boy with a broken world
I guess I am better off dead.
Trapped Under Ice
Trapped under the ice
On which you're watching
Please break the ice
Or walk away
I am frozen and I am cramping
One can only hold one's breath for so long
The hopes and dreams of a young man
Bubbles crashing upon the downside ice
Less and less, smaller and smaller
The bubbles fade
as the young man that I was
Turn blue and gray
The water fills the lungs of me
And I become one with the sea.
On which you're watching
Please break the ice
Or walk away
I am frozen and I am cramping
One can only hold one's breath for so long
The hopes and dreams of a young man
Bubbles crashing upon the downside ice
Less and less, smaller and smaller
The bubbles fade
as the young man that I was
Turn blue and gray
The water fills the lungs of me
And I become one with the sea.
Black Widow
A thousand lonely suicides
The trees leak of suicides
The wind breathe of suicides
Will this be the night
Will this be your night
Will I end what we once started
And leave you to your empty li(e)ves
Your next victim
Will he turn out like us?
The trees leak of suicides
The wind breathe of suicides
Will this be the night
Will this be your night
Will I end what we once started
And leave you to your empty li(e)ves
Your next victim
Will he turn out like us?
M.A.D.
There is no end to this song
But there is to this world
Our world was separated
Enemies without a cause
Love from first sight, and hate from first thought
Hate from first sight, and love from first thought
I no longer know how to defend myself
I can't surrender, I can't let go
We were made for each other
Mutual Assured Destruction
Nuke me,
Nuke you,
Nuke them,
Nuke us all.
Crucified
I am awaiting nothing.
I am awaiting the executioner.
I can imagine that this is how Jesus felt
When he walked up to the hill.
Crucified.
Upside down.
You are every thorn biting into my skull.
Every burden that the universe holds upon my shoulders.
Every nail into my body and every pain felt in this world.
But do I forgive you?
Crucified
Upside down.
I am awaiting the executioner.
I can imagine that this is how Jesus felt
When he walked up to the hill.
Crucified.
Upside down.
You are every thorn biting into my skull.
Every burden that the universe holds upon my shoulders.
Every nail into my body and every pain felt in this world.
But do I forgive you?
Crucified
Upside down.
The Black Hole and the Well
What the fuck have you done to me?
How can one person hurt another so deep
The deepest wound, the black hole in my belly
In my soul, in my rotting brain
In my fucking dick, in my fucking hands
My legs won't stop shaking,
I get twitches from the meds
What the fuck have you done to me?
I am so weak that I can barely stand
I lay in bed all day long, begging for a dream
For the black hole to swallow me, but it won't
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think
I went human for you, don't you know?
I get sick in my stomach of the thoughts of you and him
What the fuck have you done to me?
I can't even cry, the meds have led me dry
As you have bled me dry, of dreams
Bruised and empty, a heroin wreck
A star is dying in this one every night
Not very bright, the noose around my neck
This star has fallen, a thousand years away
What the fuck have you done to me?
I am not the mess I used to be
The reason you ran away with me
The reason you ran away from me
The empty souls of our tree dwell
Deep inside a lonely well, in a shallow shell
It ran low and bled into the night skyline
How can one person hurt another so deep
The deepest wound, the black hole in my belly
In my soul, in my rotting brain
In my fucking dick, in my fucking hands
My legs won't stop shaking,
I get twitches from the meds
What the fuck have you done to me?
I am so weak that I can barely stand
I lay in bed all day long, begging for a dream
For the black hole to swallow me, but it won't
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think
I went human for you, don't you know?
I get sick in my stomach of the thoughts of you and him
What the fuck have you done to me?
I can't even cry, the meds have led me dry
As you have bled me dry, of dreams
Bruised and empty, a heroin wreck
A star is dying in this one every night
Not very bright, the noose around my neck
This star has fallen, a thousand years away
What the fuck have you done to me?
I am not the mess I used to be
The reason you ran away with me
The reason you ran away from me
The empty souls of our tree dwell
Deep inside a lonely well, in a shallow shell
It ran low and bled into the night skyline
Coffeen
To be around these people
These humans
It makes my head turn
Uneasy and careful while careless
Dead men tell no tales
Bullshit
This dead man is telling you loads of tales
Tales of the sane and insane
Coffee keeps me up
And out of my coffin
Coffee stains everywhere
Coffee brings me down
Tear this view of people
Like a piece of paper
I envy people in car-crashes
Mid air collision
Like a piece of paper...
These humans
It makes my head turn
Uneasy and careful while careless
Dead men tell no tales
Bullshit
This dead man is telling you loads of tales
Tales of the sane and insane
Coffee keeps me up
And out of my coffin
Coffee stains everywhere
Coffee brings me down
Tear this view of people
Like a piece of paper
I envy people in car-crashes
Mid air collision
Like a piece of paper...
Eyes Open
I dream of you every night
Last night I reached out my hand
and hit something nearby
I awoke and realized it was a bottle or a can
The terror and painful grief and anxiety that I felt
Over the realization that you are gone forever
and I am left here on my own with no more cards to be dealt
You were my only one but the poison in your mind lead to a certain never
My eyes were always open as we kissed
Just so I could see the only real beauty I have ever witnessed.
Last night I reached out my hand
and hit something nearby
I awoke and realized it was a bottle or a can
The terror and painful grief and anxiety that I felt
Over the realization that you are gone forever
and I am left here on my own with no more cards to be dealt
You were my only one but the poison in your mind lead to a certain never
My eyes were always open as we kissed
Just so I could see the only real beauty I have ever witnessed.
Wasteland
My will is weak
It makes my body weak
I can hardly lift myself
The burdens and the inevitable
It haunts me night and day
Will I grow up and be responsible?
Or will I stay young and fade to gray?
I die of my own hand rather than yours
Your great everything, your great nothing
It makes me weak to live with this burden
I was not born to live a life imprisoned or dead
Robots can't give birth, remember that
Or can they?
Let's play God some more
Let's gamble with religions
Theories and truths, but only one can be true
or none
We gamble with our lives and we die for others gambles
I am so tired and I am so weak
I cannot live with this burden for a second longer
but I cannot move or dare to try it
I just lay here and hope that my heart stops beating by itself
Out of grief,
Out of loss,
And out of fatigue
It's all over
It's a wasteland.
It makes my body weak
I can hardly lift myself
The burdens and the inevitable
It haunts me night and day
Will I grow up and be responsible?
Or will I stay young and fade to gray?
I die of my own hand rather than yours
Your great everything, your great nothing
It makes me weak to live with this burden
I was not born to live a life imprisoned or dead
Robots can't give birth, remember that
Or can they?
Let's play God some more
Let's gamble with religions
Theories and truths, but only one can be true
or none
We gamble with our lives and we die for others gambles
I am so tired and I am so weak
I cannot live with this burden for a second longer
but I cannot move or dare to try it
I just lay here and hope that my heart stops beating by itself
Out of grief,
Out of loss,
And out of fatigue
It's all over
It's a wasteland.
Rainbow
Was it the cave-in you'd been hoping for?
A truth that lied, that spit me right in the face
I shut my eyes, try to convince myself
that it is all a dream, or a coma
That outside you are waiting for me to wake
Forgive me for hoping so,
I don't want to cause you any pain.
But in this universe, at this moment,
The one that I can touch,
You are far gone
and I can't even see you in the distance
You ran far, far away
To a far away place beyond the rain
Have you touched the rainbow?
A truth that lied, that spit me right in the face
I shut my eyes, try to convince myself
that it is all a dream, or a coma
That outside you are waiting for me to wake
Forgive me for hoping so,
I don't want to cause you any pain.
But in this universe, at this moment,
The one that I can touch,
You are far gone
and I can't even see you in the distance
You ran far, far away
To a far away place beyond the rain
Have you touched the rainbow?
Incest
Those of my own that intrude
I will be wiped out
For their doings
I ain't no fucking messiah
I sing with the heart stuck in my throat
I feel the sorrow of all unfortunate
The children of the earth
Playing Gods, masters and heroes
And their siblings pay the price
Look at the carvings on the wall
The paintings and drawings
With their blood and tears.
I will be wiped out
For their doings
I ain't no fucking messiah
I sing with the heart stuck in my throat
I feel the sorrow of all unfortunate
The children of the earth
Playing Gods, masters and heroes
And their siblings pay the price
Look at the carvings on the wall
The paintings and drawings
With their blood and tears.
Apparition
And as he stood before the shower
tried to capture the water in his hands
but it all ran through in the end
He washes his feet
washes the mud away.
And I used to blame the father of her becomings
I understand the father now
there are no second chances
and I think that in time
that she will know
And perhaps, forgive him.
I see myself in him,
and I think you see him in me
I hope that one day you shall understand,
and forgive, and forget.
tried to capture the water in his hands
but it all ran through in the end
He washes his feet
washes the mud away.
And I used to blame the father of her becomings
I understand the father now
there are no second chances
and I think that in time
that she will know
And perhaps, forgive him.
I see myself in him,
and I think you see him in me
I hope that one day you shall understand,
and forgive, and forget.
Tel Megiddo
Armageddon of the mind
Armageddon of the body
Armageddon of the sun
Armageddon of the stars
We are designed to suffer through our lies
Armageddon of the body
Armageddon of the sun
Armageddon of the stars
We are designed to suffer through our lies
Cate Sicapi El Kacikala
När människans närvaro blir för tung, då flyr jag dit träden hopar sig och dit floden ebbar. Mina riktiga kamrater, mina medjordingar, de ni kallar 'djur', vi lever på vår jord, med vår jord och dör på vår jord, med vår jord och i vår jord.
Tills ni kom, nu finns det snart inget hem och ingen jord. Ni äcklar mig.
Människans blinda öga och döva öra.
Tar och tar. Rättigheter och skyldigheter. Förkasta allt liv, bara ni får den lycka ni söker.
Människans överhet och intelligens.
Tar för givet att livet finns. Vissa, till och ger till och med hellre hän till något så kallat efterliv.
Förkasta allt som inte passar in.
Bara ni får den mening ni söker.
Jag säger "ni", då människan i mig dog för länge sedan. Jag är ett djur och jag finns. Jag har avsagt mig den tron som ni tilldelat mig. Jag står ej över någon varelse. Inte fisken, inte myran, inte spindeln eller grisen. Inte apan, inte hunden, inte katten, inte björnen eller elefanten. Endast människan, som ej lever för livets skull, utan för en plikt, tro, lust och kärlek.
En vacker dag ska jag avsäga mig allt vad människan innebär.
//
When the presence of mankind grows too heavy, I escape to a place where the trees accumulates and the river ebbs. My comrades, my earthlings, they whom you refer to as 'animals', we live on our soil, with our soil and we die in our soil. Until you came, there will soon be no home nor soil left. You disgust me.
The blind eye of mankind, the deaf ear of mankind. Gives and takes. Rights and obligations. Denounce all of life, as long as you shall receive the happiness you long for.
Authority of mankind, intelligence of mankind. Takes existence for granted. Some, rather, even give themselves to a so-called 'afterlife'. As long as you find the purpose you long for.
I say "you", because the man within me died a long time ago. I am an animal and I exist. I have renounced the throne that I have been given. I stand above no creature, not the fish, ant, spider nor pig and, not the ape, the dog, the cat, the bear nor the elephant. Only mankind who no longer live for the sake of living, but for the duty, faith, lust and love.
One beautiful day, I shall renounce all of me that is man.
Tills ni kom, nu finns det snart inget hem och ingen jord. Ni äcklar mig.
Människans blinda öga och döva öra.
Tar och tar. Rättigheter och skyldigheter. Förkasta allt liv, bara ni får den lycka ni söker.
Människans överhet och intelligens.
Tar för givet att livet finns. Vissa, till och ger till och med hellre hän till något så kallat efterliv.
Förkasta allt som inte passar in.
Bara ni får den mening ni söker.
Jag säger "ni", då människan i mig dog för länge sedan. Jag är ett djur och jag finns. Jag har avsagt mig den tron som ni tilldelat mig. Jag står ej över någon varelse. Inte fisken, inte myran, inte spindeln eller grisen. Inte apan, inte hunden, inte katten, inte björnen eller elefanten. Endast människan, som ej lever för livets skull, utan för en plikt, tro, lust och kärlek.
En vacker dag ska jag avsäga mig allt vad människan innebär.
//
When the presence of mankind grows too heavy, I escape to a place where the trees accumulates and the river ebbs. My comrades, my earthlings, they whom you refer to as 'animals', we live on our soil, with our soil and we die in our soil. Until you came, there will soon be no home nor soil left. You disgust me.
The blind eye of mankind, the deaf ear of mankind. Gives and takes. Rights and obligations. Denounce all of life, as long as you shall receive the happiness you long for.
Authority of mankind, intelligence of mankind. Takes existence for granted. Some, rather, even give themselves to a so-called 'afterlife'. As long as you find the purpose you long for.
I say "you", because the man within me died a long time ago. I am an animal and I exist. I have renounced the throne that I have been given. I stand above no creature, not the fish, ant, spider nor pig and, not the ape, the dog, the cat, the bear nor the elephant. Only mankind who no longer live for the sake of living, but for the duty, faith, lust and love.
One beautiful day, I shall renounce all of me that is man.
Kamikaze: The Divine Wind
Suicide attacks,
Terrorists,
You say they die for nothing
What are you dying for?
Terrorists,
You say they die for nothing
What are you dying for?
Wake Up and Smell the Coffee
Wake up and smell the coffee?
I fucking reek of coffee
And I want to go back to bed.
I fucking reek of coffee
And I want to go back to bed.
Psychiatric and Mental Institutions, Illusions and Delusions / The Hopeless Case of Caring
Patients and doctors,
Caregivers- and takers.
Medicinal lobotomy,
Empty words and empty hands.
People, treating people.
Humans, treating humans.
The hopeless case of caring.
I search for the pinakes.
People playing God
Getting good grades,
Pretending to care,
Just to get a that paycheck.
Am I here on vacation,
or am I on medication
And it's so fucking funny
They give me a rat
and they call it a bunny.
Am I losing my mind?
Am I going insane?
They tell me I am fine,
but this place is turning me out inside.
People treating people,
just to feel good about their lives.
People helping people,
just to reserve a place in paradise.
Caregivers- and takers.
Medicinal lobotomy,
Empty words and empty hands.
People, treating people.
Humans, treating humans.
The hopeless case of caring.
I search for the pinakes.
People playing God
Getting good grades,
Pretending to care,
Just to get a that paycheck.
Am I here on vacation,
or am I on medication
And it's so fucking funny
They give me a rat
and they call it a bunny.
Am I losing my mind?
Am I going insane?
They tell me I am fine,
but this place is turning me out inside.
People treating people,
just to feel good about their lives.
People helping people,
just to reserve a place in paradise.
Transition
Look the bug in the eyes
It tells me that fear is but a child
I can no longer tell right from wry.
Great things must be coming my way,
Since I have no hope left anymore.
The whore of Babylon squirts everywhere.
Give me hope and I will bid farewell..
'Cause hope never did me any favors.
I hate you all.
I will go against all advice,
I will not show weakness
before the whores and guards of time.
I will hate you all.
This child who'd never harm a spider,
He was good and he was pure.
This deluded monster that you see today,
a result of your pollution.
I hate you all.
Every last son of a bitch,
and/or daughter of which.
Mankind and womankind.
The worst bacterias of them all.
The blood stains on the wall.
I hate you all.
It tells me that fear is but a child
I can no longer tell right from wry.
Great things must be coming my way,
Since I have no hope left anymore.
The whore of Babylon squirts everywhere.
Give me hope and I will bid farewell..
'Cause hope never did me any favors.
I hate you all.
I will go against all advice,
I will not show weakness
before the whores and guards of time.
I will hate you all.
This child who'd never harm a spider,
He was good and he was pure.
This deluded monster that you see today,
a result of your pollution.
I hate you all.
Every last son of a bitch,
and/or daughter of which.
Mankind and womankind.
The worst bacterias of them all.
The blood stains on the wall.
I hate you all.
Setting Sun
What is out there?
Is something waiting to happen at last?
Sometimes I can feel the future,
but I've lost all track of the past.
Empty words, empty words.
I am waiting for nothing.
Silent birds, silent birds.
I am longing for nothing.
Forever shun, forever shun.
I am craving something.
Setting sun, setting sun.
I will receive nothing.
Is something waiting to happen at last?
Sometimes I can feel the future,
but I've lost all track of the past.
Empty words, empty words.
I am waiting for nothing.
Silent birds, silent birds.
I am longing for nothing.
Forever shun, forever shun.
I am craving something.
Setting sun, setting sun.
I will receive nothing.
Good Mourning
I can remember it all so well
Memories lost have appeared before me again.
We sat in that bright room in your grandma's hell.
The brown and beige colors, oh the hypnotizing blend.
It's stubborness to put me to sleep.
The clockwork, the paintings, the photos of the past.
I always looked to you, and away from the deep.
I could've never have guessed that the visit would be our last.
I can still remember the smell,
And the drowzieness.
The stiff and tender politeness and respect.
It is but a picture in my mind.
A picture that I have no choice but to burn.
Another moment lost in time.
Another heart broken, and one who took a turn.
That is how the humans say.
I will never fill the void of your love.
I will just lay here and wait
for the day when there comes a dove,
That will fly out of my mouth.
Memories lost have appeared before me again.
We sat in that bright room in your grandma's hell.
The brown and beige colors, oh the hypnotizing blend.
It's stubborness to put me to sleep.
The clockwork, the paintings, the photos of the past.
I always looked to you, and away from the deep.
I could've never have guessed that the visit would be our last.
I can still remember the smell,
And the drowzieness.
The stiff and tender politeness and respect.
It is but a picture in my mind.
A picture that I have no choice but to burn.
Another moment lost in time.
Another heart broken, and one who took a turn.
That is how the humans say.
I will never fill the void of your love.
I will just lay here and wait
for the day when there comes a dove,
That will fly out of my mouth.
Aspergers
Your Aspergers score : 137 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistisc) score: 80 of 200
You are most likely to have Aspergers Syndrome.
What Now, My Love?
"What now my love
Now that you left me
How can I live through another day
Watching my dreams turn into ashes
And all my hopes into bits of clay
Once I could see, once I could feel
Now I'm a numb
I've become unreal
I walk the night, oh, without a goal
Stripped of my heart, my soul
- Pierre Delanoë / Carl Sigman
What now my love
Now that it's over
I feel the world closing in on me
Here comes the stars
Tumbling around me
And there's the sky where the sea should be
What now my love
Now that you're gone
I'd be a fool to go on and on
No one would care, no one would cry
If I should live or die
What now my love
Now there is nothing
Only my last goodbye
Only my last goodbye"
A Letter to Where the Dreams all end
I never had anybody else.
Never.
Only in your mind.
The monster which you created,
no fault of yours, the blame does not lay here,
but it is a monster that you created.
And now you have left.
You were unsure, felt guilt
and you used me.
Our last months,
you told me you loved me,
but not in the same way.
That I was your best friend
and you could never have anybody else.
You told me that right now there was no "us".
You told me that we have to wait and see.
You told me to wait.
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited.
And I drank, and I drank, and I drank.
Tried to forget, tried to see what everyone is telling me;
"there's plenty of fish in the sea".
But we were on our own.
I lived for you.
I have many disabilities and many faults.
You gave me a reason to wake up.
Cliché, cliché, you think.
You gave me a reason to fall asleep.
So I could wake to see another day.
But as I said,
I never had anybody else.
The monster which destroyed us,
was your creation,
your disability and your fault,
your insecurities and your fear,
your disorder and your history.
I never gave up,
I never let go,
I never stopped loving you,
no matter what you said or did.
I loved you far beyond that.
Enough to break down and give in
and let you make me believe
that everything was my fault.
That I wanted someone else.
That I was a disgusting fucking being.
That I was just like everybody else.
That I had betrayed you.
You had me convinced.
But deep down inside, I knew.
And I tried to tell you,
even though I was tired and I was hurt
I tried to show you how much I love you.
And I'm not like anybody else.
I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to know,
how you can abandon your "soul-mate"
and your "best friend" and your "lover",
and just pretend like he doesn't exist.
I am in a mental institution,
and I think you'd fit right in here.
With your disorders, delusions and your fears.
You are forever traumatized.
But I will never give up.
You are my only one.
And if I am not your only one,
and if everything you ever told me was a lie,
at least tell me.
Don't pretend like I don't exist.
Just because I wanted to end myself.
Just because I am out of reach.
and if it all was just a lie,
and we will never meet again.
I am sorry that I met you
and I am sorry that you met me.
Just say the words,
so I can be relieved.
Tell me the truth,
what are you doing with him?
Why are you not there for me?
Was it all a lie?
Just say the truth
and don't turn me away.
All I want is the truth.
So I can live, or I can leave.
Never.
Only in your mind.
The monster which you created,
no fault of yours, the blame does not lay here,
but it is a monster that you created.
And now you have left.
You were unsure, felt guilt
and you used me.
Our last months,
you told me you loved me,
but not in the same way.
That I was your best friend
and you could never have anybody else.
You told me that right now there was no "us".
You told me that we have to wait and see.
You told me to wait.
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited.
And I drank, and I drank, and I drank.
Tried to forget, tried to see what everyone is telling me;
"there's plenty of fish in the sea".
But we were on our own.
I lived for you.
I have many disabilities and many faults.
You gave me a reason to wake up.
Cliché, cliché, you think.
You gave me a reason to fall asleep.
So I could wake to see another day.
But as I said,
I never had anybody else.
The monster which destroyed us,
was your creation,
your disability and your fault,
your insecurities and your fear,
your disorder and your history.
I never gave up,
I never let go,
I never stopped loving you,
no matter what you said or did.
I loved you far beyond that.
Enough to break down and give in
and let you make me believe
that everything was my fault.
That I wanted someone else.
That I was a disgusting fucking being.
That I was just like everybody else.
That I had betrayed you.
You had me convinced.
But deep down inside, I knew.
And I tried to tell you,
even though I was tired and I was hurt
I tried to show you how much I love you.
And I'm not like anybody else.
I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to know,
how you can abandon your "soul-mate"
and your "best friend" and your "lover",
and just pretend like he doesn't exist.
I am in a mental institution,
and I think you'd fit right in here.
With your disorders, delusions and your fears.
You are forever traumatized.
But I will never give up.
You are my only one.
And if I am not your only one,
and if everything you ever told me was a lie,
at least tell me.
Don't pretend like I don't exist.
Just because I wanted to end myself.
Just because I am out of reach.
and if it all was just a lie,
and we will never meet again.
I am sorry that I met you
and I am sorry that you met me.
Just say the words,
so I can be relieved.
Tell me the truth,
what are you doing with him?
Why are you not there for me?
Was it all a lie?
Just say the truth
and don't turn me away.
All I want is the truth.
So I can live, or I can leave.
Stains
The stain that won't go away
Washing over and over
It won't go out.
How can I give up?
Cramps from all the scrubbing.
I won't stop until I get there.
I gave up a long time ago,
But I'm still here, aren't I?
Given up upon,
should I take my leave,
die alone and dream empty?
It terrifies and paralyze.
Fear of both life and death
Washing over and over
It won't go out.
How can I give up?
Cramps from all the scrubbing.
I won't stop until I get there.
I gave up a long time ago,
But I'm still here, aren't I?
Given up upon,
should I take my leave,
die alone and dream empty?
It terrifies and paralyze.
Fear of both life and death
21
I may make it to 21. But no longer. That I have known since my first dawn.
I will leave no trace, I will dissappear.
Into the darkest of rooms where the fog ain't too unfamiliar.
So when you find me, stay calm.
It's the way it's supposed to be.
And if I am still breathing in the summer of 2013, please kill me.
I will leave no trace, I will dissappear.
Into the darkest of rooms where the fog ain't too unfamiliar.
So when you find me, stay calm.
It's the way it's supposed to be.
And if I am still breathing in the summer of 2013, please kill me.
Untitled
I will find a way.
They don't know what they're talking about.
I will find a way.
Someone please end me.
I am withering away and it is very painful.
Have mercy, and kill me softly and quick.
Please.
Anyone.
I beg you.
They don't know what they're talking about.
I will find a way.
Someone please end me.
I am withering away and it is very painful.
Have mercy, and kill me softly and quick.
Please.
Anyone.
I beg you.
Widower
I can't tell who's the widow and the widower.
I guess in death, we may somehow meet again.
As widow and as widower.
May there be a second chance.
Maybe there, I could dance.
Maybe. May be.
Farewell, planet earth.
I guess in death, we may somehow meet again.
As widow and as widower.
May there be a second chance.
Maybe there, I could dance.
Maybe. May be.
Farewell, planet earth.
Shattered and Annihilated
Can't you see that this is all for you?
Can't you see that I'm here because of you?
Every worthless word that I write is all that is left of me?
You want poetry?
A love letter?
I can't get a foot out of bed.
I am nothing, I am no one.
Since I am forgotten.
I was dedicated,
I was dreadicated,
I am deadicated.
All of these words and all of this pain
it's all for you.
Can't you see that I'm here because of you?
Every worthless word that I write is all that is left of me?
You want poetry?
A love letter?
I can't get a foot out of bed.
I am nothing, I am no one.
Since I am forgotten.
I was dedicated,
I was dreadicated,
I am deadicated.
All of these words and all of this pain
it's all for you.
Et Maintenant
"Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
De tout ce temps
Que sera ma vie
De tous ces gens
Qui m'indiffèrent
Maintenant
Que tu es partie
Toutes ces nuits
Pour quoi pour qui
Et ce matin
Qui revient pour rien
Ce coeur qui bat
Pour qui pour quoi
Qui bat trop fort
Trop fort
Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Vers quel néant
Glissera ma vie
Tu m'as laissé
La terre entière
Mais la terre
Sans toi c'est petit
Vous mes amis
Soyez gentils
Vous savez bien
Que l'on y peut rien
Même Paris
Crève d'ennui
Toutes ces rues
Me tuent
Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Je vais en rire
Pour ne plus pleurer
Je vais bruler
Des nuits entières
Et au matin
Je te hairai
Et puis un soir
Dans mon miroir
Je verrai bien
La fin du chemin
Pas une fleur
Et pas de pleurs
Au moment de
L'adieu
Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien à faire
Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien"
- Gilbert Bécaud and Pierre Delanoë
Que vais je faire
De tout ce temps
Que sera ma vie
De tous ces gens
Qui m'indiffèrent
Maintenant
Que tu es partie
Toutes ces nuits
Pour quoi pour qui
Et ce matin
Qui revient pour rien
Ce coeur qui bat
Pour qui pour quoi
Qui bat trop fort
Trop fort
Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Vers quel néant
Glissera ma vie
Tu m'as laissé
La terre entière
Mais la terre
Sans toi c'est petit
Vous mes amis
Soyez gentils
Vous savez bien
Que l'on y peut rien
Même Paris
Crève d'ennui
Toutes ces rues
Me tuent
Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Je vais en rire
Pour ne plus pleurer
Je vais bruler
Des nuits entières
Et au matin
Je te hairai
Et puis un soir
Dans mon miroir
Je verrai bien
La fin du chemin
Pas une fleur
Et pas de pleurs
Au moment de
L'adieu
Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien à faire
Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien"
- Gilbert Bécaud and Pierre Delanoë
Deus ex machina: ἀπὸ μηχανῆς θεός
And I can't seem to understand,
how fucking stupid I was.
I could see it from a million miles away.
From years and months and days.
I should've known better than to trust in you.
You were broken, and I was broken.
But we held each other strong.
And what we had, and what we fought for is all gone.
And I don't care anymore.
About happiness, or about you.
You betrayed, you changed and you never told me.
And how the fuck could I have been so blind,
to not see how she was caught and wanted to be released.
But it all comes down to this,
You are out there with a hope and repression of our memories.
I am here, locked inside with a dread and depression,
'cause I remember the good and the bad.
I can never cherish our memories,
not like this and not where you are.
And the way you abandoned me when I needed you the most.
You were distant and you were cold and unsure.
You felt guilty as you told me;
"I still love you, and I always will"
What is love? And what is caring?
We are all just cold damned liars.
And we set out to find happiness,
and we will do anything to achieve this.
So everything that we do is a selfish act.
Everything that we say is a manipulated fact.
We try to feel and to connect with our peers,
and we fail in the end,
'cause there are no ears.
Nobody is listening to anyone.
We will never understand someone else's thought nor feeling.
So stop pretending and stop acting,
'cause the curtains have fallen.
Give me the truth for once.
Tell me why you really left.
how fucking stupid I was.
I could see it from a million miles away.
From years and months and days.
I should've known better than to trust in you.
You were broken, and I was broken.
But we held each other strong.
And what we had, and what we fought for is all gone.
And I don't care anymore.
About happiness, or about you.
You betrayed, you changed and you never told me.
And how the fuck could I have been so blind,
to not see how she was caught and wanted to be released.
But it all comes down to this,
You are out there with a hope and repression of our memories.
I am here, locked inside with a dread and depression,
'cause I remember the good and the bad.
I can never cherish our memories,
not like this and not where you are.
And the way you abandoned me when I needed you the most.
You were distant and you were cold and unsure.
You felt guilty as you told me;
"I still love you, and I always will"
What is love? And what is caring?
We are all just cold damned liars.
And we set out to find happiness,
and we will do anything to achieve this.
So everything that we do is a selfish act.
Everything that we say is a manipulated fact.
We try to feel and to connect with our peers,
and we fail in the end,
'cause there are no ears.
Nobody is listening to anyone.
We will never understand someone else's thought nor feeling.
So stop pretending and stop acting,
'cause the curtains have fallen.
Give me the truth for once.
Tell me why you really left.
To Be
And I thought that I could be a something, worth something.
But I forgot how to be
And how to breathe.
And that something that i believed in,
that something that kept me going
But it was all worth nothing
And i am left with anything.
I know better now, in these days of medication.
That it takes more than dedication,
To remember to breathe,
And to remember to be.
But I forgot how to be
And how to breathe.
And that something that i believed in,
that something that kept me going
But it was all worth nothing
And i am left with anything.
I know better now, in these days of medication.
That it takes more than dedication,
To remember to breathe,
And to remember to be.
From Shanghai and to Alaska to freedom.
I awoke at 5 am.
I was hungry and I had to piss.
I wasn't tired so I couldn't go back to infinity.
Then I found myself in Shanghai
and Alaska at the same time.
I met a man who's lost in the fog of my endless mind.
He introduced me to Jesus.
Who told me; "sit back and watch."
Fireworks began to cross the sky.
Fireworks like nebulas and dragons.
All across the sky of aurora borealis.
The dance of the spirits.
And suddenly I recognized a sound,
it came creeping on and became audible.
He looked at me and grinned.
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" being played all across the planet.
He told me he had arranged this.
Then I awoke.
I was hungry and I had to piss.
I wasn't tired so I couldn't go back to infinity.
Then I found myself in Shanghai
and Alaska at the same time.
I met a man who's lost in the fog of my endless mind.
He introduced me to Jesus.
Who told me; "sit back and watch."
Fireworks began to cross the sky.
Fireworks like nebulas and dragons.
All across the sky of aurora borealis.
The dance of the spirits.
And suddenly I recognized a sound,
it came creeping on and became audible.
He looked at me and grinned.
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" being played all across the planet.
He told me he had arranged this.
Then I awoke.
The Purple Tree Is Dead
I'm scared and I want to contact you.
I'm terrified of the consequences.
They feed me pills and it's almost funny how they think that this can be cured.
That I can be cured of you.
And I wonder how you can sleep at night.
And if you know what you have done to me.
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
And if you tore our pictures down,
if you had the courage and stomach to.
So many last goodbye's,
so many written notes of suicide.
And you probably wonder if I have the courage and stomach too.
I don't and I hate you.
You left me out to die.
If this is love, I can't take no more.
I guess my idea of love differs from yours.
'cause in my book you don't leave your loved one to die.
But my book is torn,
I am forever ruined.
My first light will be my last.
And as our beloved Jacob sang;
"I'll take my love to the grave."
I'm terrified of the consequences.
They feed me pills and it's almost funny how they think that this can be cured.
That I can be cured of you.
And I wonder how you can sleep at night.
And if you know what you have done to me.
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
And if you tore our pictures down,
if you had the courage and stomach to.
So many last goodbye's,
so many written notes of suicide.
And you probably wonder if I have the courage and stomach too.
I don't and I hate you.
You left me out to die.
If this is love, I can't take no more.
I guess my idea of love differs from yours.
'cause in my book you don't leave your loved one to die.
But my book is torn,
I am forever ruined.
My first light will be my last.
And as our beloved Jacob sang;
"I'll take my love to the grave."
Implode
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
My body feels so heavy,
that it will eventually implode.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like everything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
My body feels so heavy,
that it will eventually implode.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like everything.
Storyteller
I met a lady who wanted to go to the Paradise, where she belonged.
She claimed to be a young gorgeous German girl and an heir to the throne,
but they had turned her into a filthy Gypsy, she said.
I met a man who wanted to blow his own head off
'cause he didn't have blue eyes, blonde hair and wasn't a fit young man,
and 'cause he wasn't allowed to go home and wash his underpants.
I met a girl who claimed to be a hundred years old,
She told me many times that I was an Eskimo.
She claimed she was a serial killer in her previous life in the 1940's.
She laughed and said that's why she was being punished.
Then she laughed again and told me that she sees her dead grandma in a wheel chair.
And she shouted out that alive, her grandma had no wheel chair.
I met a girl who were honest, stained and beautiful.
Angry and righteous, for the pain she had been put through.
Determined to change the world, through politics and the rights.
I know it debouches into nothing, but she does it for the passion of the night.
She fights with everything and everyone, just like me.
We speak of how humanity has lost it's right to live, put 'em out in the ashtray!
Together we may wander and perish, but in separate ways.
But for the same cause and reason.
I met a young girl, who never uttered a word to me.
I think she may have been frightened.
I tend to uncap peoples calm quiet li(e)ves.
With my black clothes, ripped jeans and my dead stare.
I gave her a smile and she returned it to me.
For this I am grateful, for this I am glad.
She will grow up and I wonder how she will look at the world.
Will she remember that dark, grave and obscure man she met at the hospital,
many, many years ago?
I hardly think so. I tend to slip out of peoples minds as much as I engrave them.
'Cause just like everything else I debouch into nothing.
She claimed to be a young gorgeous German girl and an heir to the throne,
but they had turned her into a filthy Gypsy, she said.
I met a man who wanted to blow his own head off
'cause he didn't have blue eyes, blonde hair and wasn't a fit young man,
and 'cause he wasn't allowed to go home and wash his underpants.
I met a girl who claimed to be a hundred years old,
She told me many times that I was an Eskimo.
She claimed she was a serial killer in her previous life in the 1940's.
She laughed and said that's why she was being punished.
Then she laughed again and told me that she sees her dead grandma in a wheel chair.
And she shouted out that alive, her grandma had no wheel chair.
I met a girl who were honest, stained and beautiful.
Angry and righteous, for the pain she had been put through.
Determined to change the world, through politics and the rights.
I know it debouches into nothing, but she does it for the passion of the night.
She fights with everything and everyone, just like me.
We speak of how humanity has lost it's right to live, put 'em out in the ashtray!
Together we may wander and perish, but in separate ways.
But for the same cause and reason.
I met a young girl, who never uttered a word to me.
I think she may have been frightened.
I tend to uncap peoples calm quiet li(e)ves.
With my black clothes, ripped jeans and my dead stare.
I gave her a smile and she returned it to me.
For this I am grateful, for this I am glad.
She will grow up and I wonder how she will look at the world.
Will she remember that dark, grave and obscure man she met at the hospital,
many, many years ago?
I hardly think so. I tend to slip out of peoples minds as much as I engrave them.
'Cause just like everything else I debouch into nothing.
Enumeratio
I promised myself I wouldn't live to see
the 25th summer of this living being.
I know well enough to know that a timeline don't exist,
but I can see that in your eyes that I do exist.
Tell your Gods and saviors that I couldn't care less.
If there's anything out there, it's the black hole of emptiness.
It will eat this world whole and all that lives here.
We get what we deserve, it's Karma, you claim.
You see the Armageddon as a history name.
Tell your Gods and saviors that I do exist,
I breathe air, I breathe smoke, I am evil, bring the exorcist.
This timeline of yours, the excuse to pray
You dream with open eyes and you give yourself away.
I was given away a long time ago, but not by a fucking ethos.
When I opened my eyes and gave you this epos;
You will never live to see the light of day,
because the light of day is only dead remains.
Out in the universe, where someone sees us in from a far distance
we are a dead star fallen out of existance.
This you would say to be a futuristic claim out of an Alien point of view,
it may or may not be the truth, if I only knew.
But we will never know, so why bother?
The black hole will swallow our world just like any other.
the 25th summer of this living being.
I know well enough to know that a timeline don't exist,
but I can see that in your eyes that I do exist.
Tell your Gods and saviors that I couldn't care less.
If there's anything out there, it's the black hole of emptiness.
It will eat this world whole and all that lives here.
We get what we deserve, it's Karma, you claim.
You see the Armageddon as a history name.
Tell your Gods and saviors that I do exist,
I breathe air, I breathe smoke, I am evil, bring the exorcist.
This timeline of yours, the excuse to pray
You dream with open eyes and you give yourself away.
I was given away a long time ago, but not by a fucking ethos.
When I opened my eyes and gave you this epos;
You will never live to see the light of day,
because the light of day is only dead remains.
Out in the universe, where someone sees us in from a far distance
we are a dead star fallen out of existance.
This you would say to be a futuristic claim out of an Alien point of view,
it may or may not be the truth, if I only knew.
But we will never know, so why bother?
The black hole will swallow our world just like any other.
Thaw
The winds blew strong
as we sat in the sun.
We were looking for warmth
But recieved none.
Where do we go when the sun turns us down?
We turn to each other, and I remember the sounds.
We walked hand in hand back into the house.
I was shaking of the cold as I grasped you and mouthed,
I will see you when the wind is no longer about.
And my lips they were frosen,
As your lips thawed me out.
as we sat in the sun.
We were looking for warmth
But recieved none.
Where do we go when the sun turns us down?
We turn to each other, and I remember the sounds.
We walked hand in hand back into the house.
I was shaking of the cold as I grasped you and mouthed,
I will see you when the wind is no longer about.
And my lips they were frosen,
As your lips thawed me out.
The River
Breathe in, breathe out
Beats in, beats out
The river flows along,
Stones are standing strong
But the river floats on.
Beats in, beats out
The river flows along,
Stones are standing strong
But the river floats on.
Blinders
I woke up on the wrong side of life today.
I am furious I am blinded.
I have been in a cage
for a second too long.
They put blinders 'round my eyes,
They started testing with their cures,
that would turn me human.
But the beast has has been woken,
There is no turning back.
The beast was woken.
I see red, I see black.
I will feed of your flesh.
I'm about to attack.
So watch your fingers,
When you come back.
I am furious I am blinded.
I have been in a cage
for a second too long.
They put blinders 'round my eyes,
They started testing with their cures,
that would turn me human.
But the beast has has been woken,
There is no turning back.
The beast was woken.
I see red, I see black.
I will feed of your flesh.
I'm about to attack.
So watch your fingers,
When you come back.
The Cure
To exist in this state
I can no longer feel anger nor hate
poisoned by the cure.
I walk on thin ice
walk with no land in sight
feel the temperature rise
and you know what is coming.
I can no longer exist in this state
Drowning in nothing and fading away
I was poisoned by the cure.
I can no longer feel anger nor hate
poisoned by the cure.
I walk on thin ice
walk with no land in sight
feel the temperature rise
and you know what is coming.
I can no longer exist in this state
Drowning in nothing and fading away
I was poisoned by the cure.
Loose Ends
Did you ever watch the snow melt
did you ever watch the light fade
did you ever see the wet run dry
you never did
you never do
you never will
loose ends
is your destiny
did you ever watch the light fade
did you ever see the wet run dry
you never did
you never do
you never will
loose ends
is your destiny
Ice Age
The ice is moving.
The earth is moving.
The heard is moving.
The ice comes crashing in,
Into me.
I stand tall,
But I won't give in.
The ice age is over.
And I still stand tall.
And I am reigning victorious.
The earth is moving.
The heard is moving.
The ice comes crashing in,
Into me.
I stand tall,
But I won't give in.
The ice age is over.
And I still stand tall.
And I am reigning victorious.
Solitude
We were there. As we were.
You were there on your own.
In your lonesome zone.
I were there, too on my own.
Too in my lonesome zone.
Desperate for anything.
In desperate attempts to mend our lonesome worlds
I died trying, just like Custer did.
Died trying, slayed for nothing, died for nothing.
Trying to mend our lonesome worlds into one,
Realizing that solitude is what makes us go on,
In the same direction,
with no sight nor future.
I see the horizon of forever.
We are alone, together.
私たちは一緒に孤独である。
You were there on your own.
In your lonesome zone.
I were there, too on my own.
Too in my lonesome zone.
Desperate for anything.
In desperate attempts to mend our lonesome worlds
I died trying, just like Custer did.
Died trying, slayed for nothing, died for nothing.
Trying to mend our lonesome worlds into one,
Realizing that solitude is what makes us go on,
In the same direction,
with no sight nor future.
I see the horizon of forever.
We are alone, together.
私たちは一緒に孤独である。
Sixth Sense
I can see the future.
This so called sixth sense.
I can feel it all around me.
It drags and keeps me in.
It drags me out to wander about.
I can see the power it has.
But as a man once wrote;
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
This so called sixth sense.
I can feel it all around me.
It drags and keeps me in.
It drags me out to wander about.
I can see the power it has.
But as a man once wrote;
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
Words
I woke up with an answer to everything.
The plan and the words that could change the world.
But it escaped my mind.
I am left with nothing.
Just as I was yesterday,
And the day before,
And the day before that.
I am regret. I am dread.
I am what I was born to be.
Dead inside and left with nothing to see.
The plan and the words that could change the world.
But it escaped my mind.
I am left with nothing.
Just as I was yesterday,
And the day before,
And the day before that.
I am regret. I am dread.
I am what I was born to be.
Dead inside and left with nothing to see.
Epitaph
Just a ghost who never has a chance
Never had a chance.
An infant born without a heartbeat.
The dreadfull guilt and despair of the abortionists.
Caught inbetween like a fish in the net.
The epitaph is what is left of me.
Never had a chance.
An infant born without a heartbeat.
The dreadfull guilt and despair of the abortionists.
Caught inbetween like a fish in the net.
The epitaph is what is left of me.
Sun
I am the son
and it is coming down
to crash and terminate life.
I am the son
of someone
son of a son of a son of a son
and what comes crashing
is what gives us life.
I am the first born son
I am the son of a son of a son of a sun
and what will come down crashing
and what will kill me
is the sun.
and it is coming down
to crash and terminate life.
I am the son
of someone
son of a son of a son of a son
and what comes crashing
is what gives us life.
I am the first born son
I am the son of a son of a son of a sun
and what will come down crashing
and what will kill me
is the sun.
Blood
I'll see you tonight.
Blood is blood is blood.
And we're gonna fight.
Tell the pigs out on the street,
That here I come,
on my own two feet.
Kevlar, kevlar won't save you now.
'cause blood is blood is blood is blood.
Standing here on my own two feet.
At least, I think that they belong to me.
Product of mass production,
with no salvation.
Product of the state,
A branded cow on it's way to the abattoir.
But here I come
on my own two feet.
A bull has risen,
go ahead, go tweet.
I will stand my ground.
'cause blood is blood
And this blood is mine.
And It is mine since "birth".
I will see you tonight,
I will destroy your life.
Blood is blood is blood.
Blood is blood is blood.
And we're gonna fight.
Tell the pigs out on the street,
That here I come,
on my own two feet.
Kevlar, kevlar won't save you now.
'cause blood is blood is blood is blood.
Standing here on my own two feet.
At least, I think that they belong to me.
Product of mass production,
with no salvation.
Product of the state,
A branded cow on it's way to the abattoir.
But here I come
on my own two feet.
A bull has risen,
go ahead, go tweet.
I will stand my ground.
'cause blood is blood
And this blood is mine.
And It is mine since "birth".
I will see you tonight,
I will destroy your life.
Blood is blood is blood.
The Word and the Song
As it was written, as we were written.
A point in time, the timeless time.
The endless in which the word was forgotten.
The word rung out,
and it echoed through the valley.
We were born and we sung.
A timeless song from the bottom of our souls.
But in the end, it was forgotten.
and it echoed through the valley.
We were born and we sung.
A timeless song from the bottom of our souls.
But in the end, it was forgotten.
Isolation
Isolated from the world.
A stuffed animal in a cage.
These chains are broken,
the cage is unlocked.
Yet here I am,
still isolated from the world.
If only freedom was something you could touch.
If only.
I would run away with you by my side.
Side by side.
Hands held.
High grass all around.
Your dark hair floating around
In the airwaves of time.
Celebration of something to be touched.
The freedom felt, the high grass, the hands held and the dark hair.
If only.
Still isolated in this home of mine.
This cage I've found.
This place in this world of ours.
The only place to call mine.
Nowhere.
A stuffed animal in a cage.
These chains are broken,
the cage is unlocked.
Yet here I am,
still isolated from the world.
If only freedom was something you could touch.
If only.
I would run away with you by my side.
Side by side.
Hands held.
High grass all around.
Your dark hair floating around
In the airwaves of time.
Celebration of something to be touched.
The freedom felt, the high grass, the hands held and the dark hair.
If only.
Still isolated in this home of mine.
This cage I've found.
This place in this world of ours.
The only place to call mine.
Nowhere.
Essentia
Jag blundar till och känner huvudet hänga neråt.
Gravitationen tar kraft och slukar mig.
Ögonlocken känns tunga.
Rödsprängda blå ögon.
Känseln i fingertopparna ilar och hela kroppen vill ha sin mänskliga näring.
Vem finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?
Jag tror på rymdvarelser,
jag ser dem överallt.
Den skräckinjagande vyn över vår förbrukade jord.
Irra omkring och förstå ingenting.
Vem finns?
Vad finns?
Finns finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?
//
I close my eyes and feel my head hang down.
Gravity takes its toll and devours me.
The eyelids feel heavy.
Bloodshot blue eyes.
The sense of touch in the fingertips textiles and the whole body crave for human nurturing.
Who exists?
What is it that I see in the mirror?
I believe in aliens.
I see them everywhere.
The grisly view of our exhausted earth.
Wander around and understand nothing.
Who exist?
What exists?
Does existance exist?
What is it that I see in the mirror?
Gravitationen tar kraft och slukar mig.
Ögonlocken känns tunga.
Rödsprängda blå ögon.
Känseln i fingertopparna ilar och hela kroppen vill ha sin mänskliga näring.
Vem finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?
Jag tror på rymdvarelser,
jag ser dem överallt.
Den skräckinjagande vyn över vår förbrukade jord.
Irra omkring och förstå ingenting.
Vem finns?
Vad finns?
Finns finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?
//
I close my eyes and feel my head hang down.
Gravity takes its toll and devours me.
The eyelids feel heavy.
Bloodshot blue eyes.
The sense of touch in the fingertips textiles and the whole body crave for human nurturing.
Who exists?
What is it that I see in the mirror?
I believe in aliens.
I see them everywhere.
The grisly view of our exhausted earth.
Wander around and understand nothing.
Who exist?
What exists?
Does existance exist?
What is it that I see in the mirror?
Smile
I find myself reaching out.
Again and again.
There is not a thing to grasp.
Never ever.
Is this how it should be?
I smile and wave.
You walk away.
Again and again.
There is not a thing to grasp.
Never ever.
Is this how it should be?
I smile and wave.
You walk away.
Footprints
I live for the mud below my feet.
Footprints is left behind.
But rain will come again and wash away everything.
Footprints is left behind.
But rain will come again and wash away everything.
Holy Spirit
Forgive me, for I have sinned
Forgive you, for having faith
Grasp the nothing.
Call it air, call it space.
You have faith in this matter.
Forgive me, for I have thought
Forgive you, for you have sought.
Grasp the nothing
Call it everything. Call it God.
You have faith in the holy spirit.
Forgive me, for I have killed
Forgive you, for you have died.
You have faith, but you are nothing.
Forgive you, for having faith
Grasp the nothing.
Call it air, call it space.
You have faith in this matter.
Forgive me, for I have thought
Forgive you, for you have sought.
Grasp the nothing
Call it everything. Call it God.
You have faith in the holy spirit.
Forgive me, for I have killed
Forgive you, for you have died.
You have faith, but you are nothing.
Dead Hunter
Dead hunter
growing cold
giving life.
Dead hunter
in my eyes
killing time
gave them life.
Dead hunter
every time.
growing cold
giving life.
Dead hunter
in my eyes
killing time
gave them life.
Dead hunter
every time.
Weeds
We are all told we grow up as flowers
coming up from the ground as weeds with terrible needs
You sow what you were taught
and you plant with what you have brought.
Tell us all we are beautiful flowers
Weeds get useless dreams of becoming roses.
Say what you say about hours
the growth will only show if there are no roses.
We grow tall on the empty fields
grass is grass but it has its needs
the sun will no longer fulfill our needs
our rain will no longer befriend our trees.
Dry and unsound but we are stuck in the ground
we try to escape,
but we end up the same.
Weeds and withering roses go hand in hand
when the glim and the luminous
burn the growth and the plants.
Tumors of the earth, mutant and chemical
scientists fail and so does the religious
Atoms, hydrogen and helium;
the result of the war of the space and the infinite.
coming up from the ground as weeds with terrible needs
You sow what you were taught
and you plant with what you have brought.
Tell us all we are beautiful flowers
Weeds get useless dreams of becoming roses.
Say what you say about hours
the growth will only show if there are no roses.
We grow tall on the empty fields
grass is grass but it has its needs
the sun will no longer fulfill our needs
our rain will no longer befriend our trees.
Dry and unsound but we are stuck in the ground
we try to escape,
but we end up the same.
Weeds and withering roses go hand in hand
when the glim and the luminous
burn the growth and the plants.
Tumors of the earth, mutant and chemical
scientists fail and so does the religious
Atoms, hydrogen and helium;
the result of the war of the space and the infinite.
Words from the past...
To destroy what keeps us in these ruins.Tell the flaunting ghosts to let go of their last hope.Convince them to breath the same cold breathe as we shall once breath.Give it another go.Where are we going?
Do you remember when we were going to die together?We were going to share our decay in the same resting place.Will you ever feel that way about someone else?I'm not sure if I still miss you,But I just can't let go.I told you I never would.
Dare
I dare you to despise what's real,
I dare you to disrupt what feels.
Take away the feelings that you hold on to.
Kill the life,
dry out and rot.
I dare you.
I dare you to disrupt what feels.
Take away the feelings that you hold on to.
Kill the life,
dry out and rot.
I dare you.
Checking out
This ain't no hotel,
this ain't no hotel.
But I'm here on vacation,
this is my idea of a vacation.
This ain't no hotel,
this ain't no hotel.
Not anymore it's not.
I checked in, didn't I?
But I will take my leave,
this is the end of the wonderful vacation.
I am checking out,
'cause this ain't no hotel
and this ain't no damn vacation.
Vacancy.
this ain't no hotel.
But I'm here on vacation,
this is my idea of a vacation.
This ain't no hotel,
this ain't no hotel.
Not anymore it's not.
I checked in, didn't I?
But I will take my leave,
this is the end of the wonderful vacation.
I am checking out,
'cause this ain't no hotel
and this ain't no damn vacation.
Vacancy.
In Her Eyes
Tell me what you are,
spare me the energy.
Tell me who I am,
since I can't see me.
Same old talk, same old lies
bubbly perfection creeps in her eyes.
But I know better now.
It's better not knowing anything.
The bubbles burst,
the colors fade,
she will turn out to be the same.
It's quite humurous,
since she's probably painting me out in the same way.
There is no hope.
Reproduction
hand me a rope
give the introduction.
Tell me there is a fucking way
out of this plot,
these pointless words will make no sense.
But this desert road has gone too far.
No oasis in sight.
You turn,
U-turn.
spare me the energy.
Tell me who I am,
since I can't see me.
Same old talk, same old lies
bubbly perfection creeps in her eyes.
But I know better now.
It's better not knowing anything.
The bubbles burst,
the colors fade,
she will turn out to be the same.
It's quite humurous,
since she's probably painting me out in the same way.
There is no hope.
Reproduction
hand me a rope
give the introduction.
Tell me there is a fucking way
out of this plot,
these pointless words will make no sense.
But this desert road has gone too far.
No oasis in sight.
You turn,
U-turn.
Echoes
I walk alone through lonesome corridors.
I can see us now and then.
The difference is nothing farther
than the cries of the empty halls
and the presence of now and then.
The echo bounces from wall to wall.
I can still feel your heart beat,
even now when it no longer beats for me.
I can see us now and then.
The difference is nothing farther
than the cries of the empty halls
and the presence of now and then.
The echo bounces from wall to wall.
I can still feel your heart beat,
even now when it no longer beats for me.
Ma-npi ya
Take on,
take flight.
Take on,
take flight.
"Wu-kan-kan
Yan uía-oij íoe
Wa-kan-kan
Yan-wa on íoe
Ma-npi-ya"
I shall not be here.
I shall rise and pass.
'cause there is no core.
The tree is dead.
Only soil remains, they said.
They were right.
My shame is greater than the soil.
I can't live with two hearts beating.
But I find comfort in that to the soil I shall return.
take flight.
Take on,
take flight.
"Wu-kan-kan
Yan uía-oij íoe
Wa-kan-kan
Yan-wa on íoe
Ma-npi-ya"
I shall not be here.
I shall rise and pass.
'cause there is no core.
The tree is dead.
Only soil remains, they said.
They were right.
My shame is greater than the soil.
I can't live with two hearts beating.
But I find comfort in that to the soil I shall return.
Focus
Zoom in, zoom out.
Just like the films.
In motion and out of motion.
Slow motion,
motion,
no motion.
Silence.
Just like the films.
In motion and out of motion.
Slow motion,
motion,
no motion.
Silence.
Body Fluids
You are nothing but body parts
and you are nothing but what runs in a pool of blood.
You are nothing but body fluids.
And you're nothing but the same that runs through me.
A stack of meat that is filled with death.
And as I take a breath,
I know that I am just that.
Nothing but body fluids,
a stack of meat.
Just body fluids running out in time,
the stack of meat, put in the ground.
Veins and bones,
skin and limbs,
blood and water.
My bones will last forever.
and you are nothing but what runs in a pool of blood.
You are nothing but body fluids.
And you're nothing but the same that runs through me.
A stack of meat that is filled with death.
And as I take a breath,
I know that I am just that.
Nothing but body fluids,
a stack of meat.
Just body fluids running out in time,
the stack of meat, put in the ground.
Veins and bones,
skin and limbs,
blood and water.
My bones will last forever.
I Am Expected
I feel it growing inside of me,
the nothing
and the everything.
Tear it apart.
Burn it alive
before it takes me.
The ashes remains,
I care less and less for names
I can see the hole from where I am standing,
I conquer it again..
I remain here.
I say the same, do the same.
The crows circle overhead,
the vultures await in eager way.
I am expected.
You don't understand,
I am expected.
I burn the cause,
I burn the blame,
I burn it all.
I am consumed by the flames.
the nothing
and the everything.
Tear it apart.
Burn it alive
before it takes me.
The ashes remains,
I care less and less for names
I can see the hole from where I am standing,
I conquer it again..
I remain here.
I say the same, do the same.
The crows circle overhead,
the vultures await in eager way.
I am expected.
You don't understand,
I am expected.
I burn the cause,
I burn the blame,
I burn it all.
I am consumed by the flames.
Change of Pace
I don't know what I am anymore.
No question of thought nor endurance.
There is no pace,
and there is nothing to be sought.
The change is here
but the response will be the same.
I don't know.
You don't know.
They don't know.
No one knows.
Masks of hope and faith
removed by truth and self-hate.
No words can describe what I want to say,
'cause there is no truth.
Nothing is to be sought.
No pace,
no time,
no space
and nothing else rhymes
I hate words.
I hate my thoughts.
I hate myself.
No question of thought nor endurance.
There is no pace,
and there is nothing to be sought.
The change is here
but the response will be the same.
I don't know.
You don't know.
They don't know.
No one knows.
Masks of hope and faith
removed by truth and self-hate.
No words can describe what I want to say,
'cause there is no truth.
Nothing is to be sought.
No pace,
no time,
no space
and nothing else rhymes
I hate words.
I hate my thoughts.
I hate myself.
Sensation
To cease to exist,
to release this body.
To relieve it of me.
To cease to feel.
A minor sensation,
a major depression.
Sure, I am sick,
sick of myself
and sick of people who care.
to release this body.
To relieve it of me.
To cease to feel.
A minor sensation,
a major depression.
Sure, I am sick,
sick of myself
and sick of people who care.
Agony
An animal in agony
Please put me down.
Mercy-kill is what they call it.
A deer in the headlights,
a fish caught on the hook.
Tell me I am different,
tell me I am wrong.
Please have mercy
and end this force fed lie.
I am tired, I am dread.
I am empty, I am fed.
And as the dog walks astray
to be alone and to fade to gray.
I will turn you all away,
I will too accept my fate.
Please put me down.
Mercy-kill is what they call it.
A deer in the headlights,
a fish caught on the hook.
Tell me I am different,
tell me I am wrong.
Please have mercy
and end this force fed lie.
I am tired, I am dread.
I am empty, I am fed.
And as the dog walks astray
to be alone and to fade to gray.
I will turn you all away,
I will too accept my fate.
Empty Halls
I feel the same way as these empty halls
in which I have to walk through every day.
Long, hollow and drained of life.
No reasons to walk and no reasons to stop.
I might collapse any minute now.
The leaves will fall and coat the ground.
in which I have to walk through every day.
Long, hollow and drained of life.
No reasons to walk and no reasons to stop.
I might collapse any minute now.
The leaves will fall and coat the ground.
Hours
Hour by hour,
day by day.
An hour has passed
and I don't know why.
Hour by hour,
day by day.
Every day is just the same.
Every minute is a minute lost,
but in the end
it has no matter,
until the next day begins.
Then I know how endless it is.
And every time an hour floats
I try to grab and to hold on
but these currents sweep me way away
and eventually I float away.
Hour by hour,
day by day.
I will float forever,
I will float away.
day by day.
An hour has passed
and I don't know why.
Hour by hour,
day by day.
Every day is just the same.
Every minute is a minute lost,
but in the end
it has no matter,
until the next day begins.
Then I know how endless it is.
And every time an hour floats
I try to grab and to hold on
but these currents sweep me way away
and eventually I float away.
Hour by hour,
day by day.
I will float forever,
I will float away.
Weapons of Mass Destruction
We are all a part of this
and no matter what we say or think
we are all aliens to someone else.
We're all apart of this universe
We all begun as dust
and to return to that we shall.
And no matter what we say or think,
we are all a part of this
and if there's anyone else out there;
we are as alien to them as they are to us.
We build our majestic walls
We build our weapons of mass destruction
'cause we shall all return to dust
We are all just waiting.
And this hollow planet of ours will explode
and we will be left out there.
Feeling nothing,
being nothing.
We will build our weapons of mass destruction
because we are all a part of this.
We're all hostile aliens to somebody else.
and no matter what we say or think
we are all aliens to someone else.
We're all apart of this universe
We all begun as dust
and to return to that we shall.
And no matter what we say or think,
we are all a part of this
and if there's anyone else out there;
we are as alien to them as they are to us.
We build our majestic walls
We build our weapons of mass destruction
'cause we shall all return to dust
We are all just waiting.
And this hollow planet of ours will explode
and we will be left out there.
Feeling nothing,
being nothing.
We will build our weapons of mass destruction
because we are all a part of this.
We're all hostile aliens to somebody else.
"It will get better"
What am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
"It will get better".
So you say.
This is who I am,
this ain't no phase,
no illness,
problem,
or disorder.
This is me
down to the core.
Brutally honest.
Questioning.
I realized a long time ago
that it ain't worth it
and that I won't make it.
You can't prove me wrong.
"It will get better"?
I don't belong here.
"It will get better".
So you say.
This is who I am,
this ain't no phase,
no illness,
problem,
or disorder.
This is me
down to the core.
Brutally honest.
Questioning.
I realized a long time ago
that it ain't worth it
and that I won't make it.
You can't prove me wrong.
"It will get better"?
Escape
I remember when she played me Epilogue To a Carcrash on guitar.
This is what we made us special.
No one will ever take that away from me.
Even though you are no longer with me.
Escape this place,
pave the way.
Tear their transcript.
It will never be okay.
So how can he compete with that?
How can you settle with not knowing?
I thought you were like me.
Never give up, never give in.
Raise hell together, breathe the way.
Be the way,
pave the way,
escape this place.
This is what we made us special.
No one will ever take that away from me.
Even though you are no longer with me.
Escape this place,
pave the way.
Tear their transcript.
It will never be okay.
So how can he compete with that?
How can you settle with not knowing?
I thought you were like me.
Never give up, never give in.
Raise hell together, breathe the way.
Be the way,
pave the way,
escape this place.
Home
Something that once was once my home was once my home.
Bound to a promise.
It was something I could hold onto.
You swore you'd teach and never let go.
We were bound to this promise.
Why did you let go?
We built my home.
We built our home.
You locked me out.
The cold will take me.
The wolves will take me.
My life will give life.
If not to you, to these wolves.
The wolves will feed,
the worms will feed,
my ghost will need a sanctuary.
Bound to a promise.
It was something I could hold onto.
You swore you'd teach and never let go.
We were bound to this promise.
Why did you let go?
We built my home.
We built our home.
You locked me out.
The cold will take me.
The wolves will take me.
My life will give life.
If not to you, to these wolves.
The wolves will feed,
the worms will feed,
my ghost will need a sanctuary.
Lost and Rotten
Out of all the words you said
these were the ones that could have saved us both
but you said them far too late.
And if only I would've told the truth
things would be all different now.
And I wouldn't have to rot.
Seeing the energy in their eyes.
The same energy that once sparked in mine.
It's a long way down to see them
but it's one of those times when you just can't look away.
I just want to see them,
lost and rotten,
just like I am.
And I knew when we were together
that I wouldn't have to lie.
I'm insane, I'm justified.
Even then, I did not know how to dance.
Now it's that secret in their eyes.
The one I swear that I could have touched.
But the holy mountain crumbled down.
And I'm held in these ruins,
and what once was the hope,
what once was my hope,
burned me up.
I am burned to the ground.
And wouldn't it be a waste to keep me held in these ruins?
these were the ones that could have saved us both
but you said them far too late.
And if only I would've told the truth
things would be all different now.
And I wouldn't have to rot.
Seeing the energy in their eyes.
The same energy that once sparked in mine.
It's a long way down to see them
but it's one of those times when you just can't look away.
I just want to see them,
lost and rotten,
just like I am.
And I knew when we were together
that I wouldn't have to lie.
I'm insane, I'm justified.
Even then, I did not know how to dance.
Now it's that secret in their eyes.
The one I swear that I could have touched.
But the holy mountain crumbled down.
And I'm held in these ruins,
and what once was the hope,
what once was my hope,
burned me up.
I am burned to the ground.
And wouldn't it be a waste to keep me held in these ruins?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)