To Bring a Rainbow to a Gunfight

Do you remember
When you destroyed a life
All for heaven's sake
So it was surely justified
All we've lived and all we've loved
I aim and shoot my arrow
For the death of all above
I catch metal with my body
I refrain from feeling sorry
I leak just like a river
I descend and I forgive her

Solar Ex-lipse

I want to wake up
Next to the sunshine of your mind
Through the sunshine of mine
You're my only guiding light

Balloons

If I just close my eyes
And hang on tight
I'll float up high
Into the sky
Up away above the clouds
Look down at life with little doubt
This is definitely not my home
I will let go,
Keep my eyes closed,
And hang on tight forevermore

Between These Walls

Failing to see any care
Living in detachment warfare
Blinded by the darkness of night
The life here on earth's just too bright
I could care less of it all
All in between these walls

The Depth

Forgotten into the birth
Forgotten into the earth

I'd run away
But you hold me close
I'd run away
But I'll hold on to you

Forgotten into death
Forgotten into the depth

I'd run away
But I'm diving into
I'd run away
But I'm coming to you

Beating

The sin's the color of your room
All by my own
One day we will

There won't be no more beating
Only truth will shine in your eyes

Follow

I will find you
Under the sea
I will guide you
Follow me

The drones are dead
I remain

I will find you
Beneath me
I will guide you
If you follow me

Paralysis

The great life
Oh, thunder wave
The malpractice of strife
One man under a grave
One world under a cemetary

The Blue Giant

A cloud of gas and dust
But is it cold enough?
Gravity turns to anarchy
The pressure, the density
The energy
Running in circles, out of sight
In a space so dark, a light so bright
Burning for an eternity
I scream

The White Dwarf

I hope it does end
What a relief
A final sigh of relief
A release of one's hydrogen supply
A final thought
A realization
An enlightenment
A life

Monday Hangover

At times
I can't help but to pity myself
And my fractured mind

Disappointment: What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You

I hope this is the end
I can't bear to let you down
To see that smile frown
From a white to black gown
I hope this is the end.

Vertigo

I've never known apathy until now
This is true indifference
I thought I was weak
Well, look at me now
I'm old
I'm stuck
I'm slipping into vertigo
I'm breathing
My heart's beating
But my mind is wasting
I'm blind but tasting
Dreamless life
Lifeless sleep

Entombed

Take me away
Your eyes burn
And scar too
We are entombed

Watch our bodies lie
As you fade
Or walk away
Take me with
Dwelling in the mist
Searching for something
You're now nothing

Take me away
My eyes burn
And lie too
I am entombed

Progress

Why not?
A cow? A pig? A Chicken?
Because it's wrong
We're all ghosts of the same thing

Don't stop now
We're progressing
We're evolving
We're surviving the apocalypse

That's impossible
So you say

Regrets

So much regrets
Twisting and turning temples
Make the pain go away

The inevitable decay of flesh and brains
The inevitable loss to dark from day

You can't lose any sleep
If there is none to lose at all

Destruction II

I believe in the weakness
And I believe in the wickedness
Of the human race
I have to pay for giving a shit
Well, no more

I have had enough of this
I will not doubt me when I'm wrong
'Cause I am never so
I will bring destruction upon you

And you will be no more

1182

We saw the sun pass 1182 times.
But I never really noticed it
Because I was watching you
All along

We saw the planes fly over clouds alone
That's about the time when I saw you float
I floated with you
Beside you
Dead

Reach out
Nothing can touch the beauty of a last caress

Trust

I will give you away
You will trust me again
I will give you a way

Your holy ghost
My cursed halo
My beloved crown of thorns
I left you on my own


I will give you away
You will trust me again
I will give you a way


I reach out now
With my eyes closed, hoping
For you to take me
'Cause I forgot how to climb

Burn The Forests

I've been carrying my weight for a long way now
I'm going home to my nightmares
You're wearing your gown
Just hoping for a chance of a dream

The brutes and the storms
The cancer lives within
Burn the forests down
To do the creatures in

Lucky

Count your ghosts
Count your voices
Count your blessings
Count your money
Count your corpses
Count so many
Count yourself lucky
For having any

Speak to yourself
Just leave me be
Whatever you do
Just leave me be
Speak to your voices
Or kill your choices
I couldn't care less

Just promise me
That before you go
And slip into the night
Don't ever come back

Sublimation

I have recently been thinking a lot about beings, entities, minds, minds or souls, if you will.
I have come to no conclusion.
"I think, therefore I am".
Have I passed on?
My memories are my past,
My thoughts are my present,
Yet my being is infinite.

I am shadowed by the clouds covering the free sky.

My stories are hollow and my dreams are howling.
They are praying to the sun, and to the moon.
I am a dead man.
But we forget.
Distorted reality with the fog of faith.
The black, the white and the gray.

Withering flesh and dying flowers.
Ink will fade, and stars will fall.
The sun will freeze to death in the darkness of it all.
The humble ambiance of the universe.

The inevitable sublimation of the mass.

Tainted Flower

This place is just another dead end
For I've walked these paths again and again
I have forsaken you, my tainted flower
As forsaken am I these ungodly of hours

Hairs

What keeps us trapped in this burning tower?

Don't bury me
I'm scared
Just don't bury me
Don't burn,
Don't rot,
Just endure in an endless breath
No hairs are gray
No love is left astray
The frame of the portrait can't rust in the rain
Just don't trap me in a grave

Lashing Out

I want to harm someone
I need to
This trapped soul will lash out
Before evaporating.

Outlet

I just sit here all day
Drink and smoke
Thinkin' 'bout ways of dying
To hurt someone, I keep fantasizing
I can't take it anymore
I need to find an outlet
I need to destroy

Art

Thoughts are running scared
Scattered from it all
My mind would look a lot better splattered on the wall

The Last Day

This is a bad day
I think I might take all of my pills

Forgive my poor efforts
I'm well aware of their flaws
The pain that I feel
Goes against all of life's laws
My mind is boiling
My flesh is melting
I am done for
It's burning, I'm twitching
The reflection can't touch reality anymore

Trapped under the frozen river below
Just like dead flowers beneath the snow

Today is a bad day
This may be the last day
That I'll ever know
I know I have said so before

Flower Bed

Wouldn't you do this world a grand favor
Put this boy out of this misery
Poor, poor boy
And his poor, poor girl
What used to be a flower bed
Is now a rotten, forgotten world
Lay my head to rest
Let me sleep in
Before you let me down
'Cause I'd rather see you dead
Than to be with another man

Your Smile

I'll never get out of here alive
I can't forget about your smile
How am I supposed to survive
You taught the sun to shine

Dead Leaves in the Pool

I'll never forget the sight
Of the dead leaves in the pool
When I realized that
No man is big enough
We use our loneliness
And our brokenness as a tool

Miserable

I'm so miserable
Because I can be
I can't remember
When I last saw me
I take steps in every direction
Try new paths and new maps
I will tear this world a new one
Before I find a way back

Candlelight

This weak, weak light
This mere candle
Has gone up against
The nights of the universe
An endless space with no stars
No sun, no Gods
Who's going to save me now?

Guilt

I never meant to cry
And to make you feel bad
Guess guilt kept you in
Kept you from leaving
Sooner than you did

The Lynching

Everyone,
Rally 'round the tortured heart
Kick and beat him while he's down

Everyone,
Tear his heart out and feed
Put him out of his misery

Consumed

Man kan inte lita på en människa
Man bygger vapen utav paranoia
Utav rädsla för en ilska
För ett hat och för en fruktan
Så flyr de rika till Mars
Där en blomma har blommat
När Jorden är förbrukad

//

You can't trust a human being
You build weapons out of paranoia
Out of fear for an anger
For a hatred and for a fear
So the rich will flee to Mars
Where a flower has bloomed
When the earth has been consumed

Give Up

You think I don't know
But I knew more than you knew
I knew you were gone
Before you even left
And they say that when you love
You let them go
But I still hate myself
forever for doing so

I give up
I can't keep up
So, I give up

Wedding Blues

I went to a wedding
Dressed for a funeral
The priest preached about life and love
While my woman gave me death

The darkness permeates through me
And I don't mind
The blues is what's giving me life

Even a lonely dog
Conspired with desperate needs
Refuses to even look at me

The world ain't no wonderful place

The Pains and the Hope for a Cure

Fucking dead
The storm is coming
The fear strikes within
Can you tell me what is worth it?

The pains and the hope for a cure
Exploding within nothing,
How much must I endure?
I have cared too much
And for way too long
The debt has been paid
A long time ago

The last will and force will go
To writing myself off
To distance myself from you
And to leave while I have the energy to

Destruction I

How could the face of destruction
Be so beautiful?
The face of humanity
Is unbelievable
I believe the truth will conquer us
Saving grace just ain't enough
We've welcomed hell
By making it up

We've pulled away the chair
And sat right down
The firemen are too drunk
When Satan comes to town
Saving us from the people
In our surroundings
The people clogging up our minds
Burying the findings

Remember destruction
And innocence
The faith is lost
As is the tenderness
I'll face my will
No matter what it costs

Once Upon a Time

He may hold you in his arms
But you gave me your everlasting love
How could he ever take that away?
No love can just disappear in thin air

Do you remember how we cried?
And how we laughed and how we smiled
I remember all those times
Once upon a time, once upon a time

Atrophy

I believe in atrophy
There are no days where I am young
I am hundreds of years old
In dog years

This isn't what I meant to do
So how did I end up here?
I knew that it was too good to be true
You dropped right off at some wayward station
And I am lost and on my way to hell
There's no one near as far as I can tell

So I believe in atrophy
God, just smite me
I am here on my knees
If you won't,
I'll have to rely on my sidekick

Chains

I see you in the corners
Of every damned room
The chains of love
Have always kept me bruised
The rain clouds float
Underneath the ceiling
The life I lost
No longer has any meaning
Forgive me, my love
I am no human being

Running Out

There's never been a time
When I've been feeling good
I'm surrounded by walls
And I've got nothing to do
You tell me to just go out
Enjoy the sunshine
If I'd be able to
Why the hell wouldn't I?

I'm running out
In the drain
I'm running out of love
So I sing

There ain't no cure for
What doesn't exist
You just tell me to stop
Being a pessimist

I'm running out
In the drain
I'm running out of love
So I sing

Bad Day

Today is a bad day
I ain't got no sympathy
I haven't forgot
How you abandoned me
For some bastard bitch
After all you said
After all you promised
Now I've got nothing

Are you happy now?
You've destroyed me
You told me it was forever
But you just wanted to be free

I'm dead now
There's no hope
Thanks to you
I ain't bulletproof
And this kevlar is sinking me

Cage

They lead us up for auction
And there's no telling why
I've been born inside a cage
I've been counting down my days
Of this precious life of mine
I've been searching for a midnight train
To take me out of sight

They took me out of order
Cause I was in no place of worth
I guess they thought this cage life
Was the best that I could herd
I've come back down to the place I love
To the riverside just down below
I took the pills they fed me
And now I'm breaking of the hurt
They took what was the light of mine
And now I'm wasting my own luck

I've been counting down my days
Of this precious life of mine
I've been searching for a midnight train
To take me out of sight

Sunrise of the Sundown

I won't, won't, won't
Won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

And I've been living by the ocean
For some time now
And I've been tending not to watch
Until the sun's down

But I won't, won't
But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

The sun is rising,
And the clouds are pink and purple
And it's 'bout time
That I burst my bubble



But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

Afraid

We're just dead aliens
In a dead space
Cease to exist
But have never existed
I'd like to pretend it will lead somewhere
But I won't
I'm afraid

Summer's Over

Summer's almost over
And I've got nowhere to go
Too peaceful and too quiet
As the the winter comes creeping on

Screaming to currents and headwinds
With no answer at all

Pretend there are exits
When there's nothing at all
A room with no windows
And nothing but pictures on walls

At The Bordello

Can't believed I've starred this long
In this b-movie, debt caused filled horror song
Laid down in a casket just to rise again
Too weak for my endless life begin
No dollar could save my soul
No woman could ever cover up this hole

Spending the weekend at the bordello

Drink after skank, skank after drink
Just another day at the bordello

I can't seem to notice what I've done wrong
What I lack in personality, life and soul
In debt for something I never enjoined
Too weak to work to pay for what I've never known
No dollar could save my soul
No woman on this earth could mend my world so torn

Spending years at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
Just another year at the bordello

Lost track of time at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
Spending my life at the bordello

Spent a lifetime at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
I lay my head at rest, on my death bed, at the bordello

The Birds

No place to wander
No church
No house
No garden
The birds are all on fire

Dreams

It was all a dream
Too bad I can't forget
I try too hard
Oh, my exhausted memory

I never remember when I want to
I tend to see what I haven't seen
Spending nights and nights being dead

Fear Is Now Desire

It's too late but I don't wanna go to bed
The bed is on fire
I'm so tired but I don't wanna go to sleep
Fear is now desire


Tell me what you said
Again, again
Kill your only friend
again, again
I fought you 'til the end
Dead end, dead end


It's so cold, but I'm sweating down a pool of blood
Take care of her for me, please
I'm so worried that I just might go and throw my head
It's late and you're on your own

Protect

Protect the safety we all know
Shut the door and end the show
Just when I thought that we would be okay
That we'd spend less time digging our graves
We'll never be okay,
We'll never be okay

Mind Fuck

I can't seem to live with myself
My mind keeps tricking me to believe
To live and to
forgive and forget you
For all of the heartache that you have caused
But I know, I know, I'm nothing but flaws

Roll around in bed, twitching in pain
Empty my head with a gun
Just to survive another day

Fate

You are better off not knowing
I am the only one left
I have to protect you at all cost

You are better off not knowing
Of my gruesome fate
In this dead end drive

Sleeping

Sleeping
It's peaceful and quiet
So is it being awake at night
Then again,
What is there to be awake for

It's an endless battle
Which I'm losing

Chemtrails

I'm so starving so bad
And there's no reason why
I protect myself from what I never had
Just killing myself before you can try

You are the explosion in my sky
I read your lips and they're asking me why


You gently play the strings of my heart
While my head spins off in this roundabout
Chemtrails lead the way to where you are
I will follow the ways of the stray
To then get lost among the stars

Existence

I just want exist again
To burn up any of your beautiful senses
Exist with me
What it really is to be

Tide

The tide waves are coming in
The clouds have showered my every dream
Terrible things are threatening me
I will lose my mind if I keep standing here
Flowers are growing from my grave
They grow and shine in the summer day
They'll wither and die, I'm sure
When the cold wind blows in the dark winter

At Home

I miss my home
I never really felt alone
Arrows fly across the globe
I remember when I was at home

I died at home
I have never felt so alone
Arrows flew into my bones
I remember when I was at home

I will cry knowing
That I've lost it all
I will never be able to look back
I will never ever feel at home

Win/Win

I'm so sick of being this
I'm trained to not feel a thing
Nothing to lose, nothing to win
Nothing to win, nothing to win

Clouds

Sick of taking care of everyone

Sparing lives that I have never felt

The river's running dry

The mind is running low

I have never felt anyone

I can hardly bare with you

The clouds feel soft 

When I touch them

When I fly through

They disappear

Launching

This is the beginning
Of the end
I don't know what's coming next
But I'm not sure if I care


I'm firing off
Launching
All these terrible notions
Fueling me
This one last ride


Nothing is good enough
I'm taking off
Into space

Drunk

I'll come home drunk again
And regret everything
You fell out of love
My heart cost it all

How could you do that
How could you say those things
Then just take it back

I'll come home all alone
What's the rush
There's nothing at all
You left, now there's no soul
Your heart cost me too much

Isolated

Isolated from the world
I try to stand but the wind hurls
I might just stay where I was conceived
I have not died, because I have not lived

Spinning the world around
I forgot what my mission was
Taking turns on a shining bright
Floating close but never in sight

I have not died, because I have not lived
I will stay were I was conceived
It won't be long, it won't be long now
The world is spinning out of control

Leaving

I'm leaving

And I'm left with my torn head

I'm leaving

And I'm giving up on this life so fed

I'm leaving

And I'm left with my pills

I'm leaving

I'm left with a stone cut hell

I'm leaving

But I think I left quite some time ago

I'm leaving

I don't think it will affect anyone

I'm leaving

But I have no place to go

Morgue

Wherein lies the happiness
I must've lost key to the chest
Forget about it or destroy it
Tear the world apart
With a shadow-filled and broken heart
Lost my faith in people long ago
I've lived a life such as Achilles toe

The weather prognosis shows death
The respirator knows better than to tamper with that
So when I come, drive me straight to the morgue instead
Saving me is just saving yourself

Drowned

Are you gone?
Where are you now?
My body drowned
My heaven fell down
I'm trapped in this world
There's one way out, I have heard

Uuuhhh
Uuuuhhh
Uuuuuhh
I drowned before my body sunk

You left me alone
How far have you gone?
I'm pleased you are doing well
I just wish it'd be me there
And not trapped in this hell

We sailed for a lifetime in our heads
Forever and ever, we said
How could I have let you go?
I was wrong, I was wrong
Why did you let her down?
You killed yourself, and then you drowned

Oooohh
Aahhhhh
Uuuhhhh
I died before my body sunk

Moving On

I've lost the only break I ever caught
It spread it's wings
And flew away
Far away
Away from here

Moving on



Once again the summer winds blow
The winter comes
The birds they flee
Flee away
It's time to go


Moving on


I'm standing here all on my own
I've got two feet
And no loving
No willing
No place called home

Still

I still think about you every day
Despite it all, I feel the same way
I can't accept that we're not intact
We were the only beauty that I ever had
We were so close and so invincible
And despite all fights, we conquered it all

But no more fights,
and no more kisses
No more cries
And no more misses

Waking up each day stuck in a nightmare
The only fear I never had is leaving me in despair
What we had were more true than any words could describe

I'll keep on denying,
keep on crying
Keep on living
keep in dying
I'll keep on dreaming
I'll keep on trying
To relive our magic, but it's blood has dried
I'm stuck in time and dead inside

I miss you, Kitteh
I will never survive

Choice

I have no right to live
I have no right to die
I don't understand society
It's a dying mans last sigh

The modern world
Controls the roads
The toll is too high
and I've got no goals
Set the bar so high
That no one gets close
Forbid them to die
and to have a choice

I'll crash the worlds parties
And break all the rules
I'll live my life for me
And I'm captured in my body
But in my mind I am free

Blame

Born without a name
Dead beneath the stains
Of a time lost and forgotten
Just a corpse, faded and rotten

And when I see myself in the mirror
I see a face with eyes burning with her
A crowned life turned upside down
A life once lived but now makes no sound

I made the mistake to invite you up to dance
I dug my own grave when I took your hand
Even now, when she have abandoned me
I can't blame her, I am worthless, indeed

Walls

This tumor in my mind
I can feel it growing
I am helplessly drowning
It is eating me alive

Four walls and no windows
A floor, a ceiling but no door

This tremor in my fish bowl
I can feel it getting closer
I am helplessly screaming
But no one is anywhere close

Four walls and no windows
A floor, a ceiling but no door

Cancer

Cut this cancer out of my brain

Electrocute me, eject this pain

What is it that you see

That makes you fucking feel

Something good inside

Being worth your while

There must be something that I've missed

Desperate to feel anything but this

At Loss

I'm close to giving up
I've gone over again and again
I'm at loss with nothing to win
What could've been, what could've been

Dark clouds surround the sun
Chokes it out, I'm on the run
The shadows stalk me here within
What could've been, what could've been

I can't help but to see
To paint us up in my memory
Nightmares and daymares, forever grim
What could've been, what could've been

Black Picket Fences

I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you to come home
Waiting in vein,
Waiting for you
to come to your senses
But you built black picket fences
And my head is trapped on each pole

I've been waiting for you
Waiting to be released
Waiting in vein,
Just waiting for you
To come to realization
But I'm stuck in a home invasion
Cause you built your new home on my corpse

Breadcrumb Trail

You can't suffer
from what you do not know
So to ever achieve happiness
I need the brain level of a crow

Fly, fly away
Then just sit there and wait
For Hans & Greta to lay out the way

Composition

Drowning in oceans of regret
I can never ever forgive or forget
I'm so lost in abandonment
Every hour is just another instrument
I've got a bow now, and a violin to play
A beautiful last composition of a star shining away
There ain't no way out of here
I'll cut my way out of here

Let Me Be

There are so many things that I'll never see
And if things go my way, I will never be
Let me be, let me be
Protect yourself by guarding me
Is it fair that you can leave?
But I'm stuck here on my knees
Begging you, baby, please
I need you to believe
There's nothing left to need
I am nothing, so I'll proceed
I'll be nothing, I won't breathe
Goodbye, my darling, my belief

Tear Ducts

Staying afloat in a leaking ship
It's so easy, you say, just get a grip
Trying to sail through the eye of the storm
At least, you say, it can't go any more wrong
You say I am tough but it's never enough
I'll be swimming against currents in these tear ducts
Forever after, forever young
I'll be drowning hereafter in the setting sun

Hell

No more mercy
No more truth
Oh my darling,
How could you?

No more thoughts
No more love
No more fear
Only hell for us

Debt

Writing off the causes and regrets
Getting nowhere, I'm stuck in debt
Owing you everything that I never gave
Never getting a chance redeem myself
I'm running from you, my entire world
I've got nothing left aside from words
Forever alone, forever running on
Forever loving, regretting and writing myself off

Redemption

Don't worry, my dear, you belong
Don't you doubt 'cause I'm feeling so strong
And when the feelings disappear
No, my darling, don't you ever fear
'Cause I am a resurrection
Of a man lost but with a redemption
I was gone but I'm
I'm in deep waters

It doesn't matter what I do
It ain't the same without you
In loss, doubt and regret
A reason to lose just to forget

Content

Content
Forgotten
Free
Alive
Dead

What I Might've Known

How do I tell right from wrong
Left from right
I panic, I freeze
I'm done for
We might as well forget
'Cause it kills me knowing
That I had you in my arms
And it's all I've ever known
All I've ever loved,
All I've ever lost

Dead Ends and Paper Airplanes

Någonstans i en återvändsgränd
Finns ett själ och en hemlighet
Gräset gror och jag kan snart ej se
Men viljan att se, syns ej till mer
Glömskan gör sig påmind
När jag kastar pappersflygplan i motvind

Somewhere in a dead end
Is a purpose and a secret
The grass sprouts and soon I can no longer see
But the will to see cannot be seen
The forgetfulness reminds
When I throw paper airplanes in headwind

Tomhet // Emptiness

Jag känner tomheten sväva fram
Jag sträcker mig ut och den tar min hand
Den leder mig bort, långt bort ifrån allt
Tänk vad vi vore om vi inte fanns
Tillsammans så går vi hand i hand
Exploderar från intet i ingenstans
Tillsammans så blommar vi ut i dans
Och för evigt existerar för varann

//

I feel the emptiness flow onward
I reach out and it takes my hand
It leads my away, away from it all
Imagine what we'd be if we didn't exist
Together we walk hand in hand
Exploding out of nothing, nowhere
Together we flourish into a dance
And exist forever for one another

Crash Course In Survivalism

Everything is the same
I took the blame
No release, no care, no hope
Forgive me, my darling, but I cannot cope

Sick of giving up
Sick of moving on
I will shelter myself
Forgive and forget

Crash course
in survivalism
For the dead

False hope and dreary dreams
It might not always be what it seems
Curse the days spent on my own
I never knew I'd die alone

Tame

Sincerity and truth is whispering
In the winds of everything and nothing
You won't hear but you can sense
But on others lies will you depend
Give back to a world that have you tamed
Clock works, money and your name
Live a life for love and honor
Whatever gives you a boner

Time

Same routine once again
Another day goes by
My mind is numb
I'm feeling dumb
I need something more than time

A price I pay for every day
A reckless mothers crime
My head is bleeding
My fears are breeding
I'm lost in a maze of time

The wounds will heal
So you say
But wounds are all surrounding
The hope is fleeing
All I'm receiving
Is an endless counting

Failure

Heart sailer
Mind failure
Finish it,
do it fast
Twist the knife
in my back

I made some mistakes
I never have what it takes
To not suffer alone, to stay
I'm just running to nowhere, away

Wash my hands, in bloody water
Curse the day that life was bothered
Just leaking all of the time
Cleanse the body, kill the mind

Clean

I'm clean
Out of order but clean
Trapped underneath my own skin
But I'm clean

I'm clean
Starting anew as I clean
The times and the dust inbetween
Nothing can touch me
I'm clean

Clean
The guilt and the sorrow in me
The destruction of all is foreseen
Caught in a dream
Which I clean

Undead

Brothers and sisters, rejoice
Hear this, the sound of my voice
The true and the undead, arise and retrieve
I need somebody to make me believe

I am so broken
These are the longest nights
But the days are even longer
Without you

They tell me that this is love
Pray to the flawless stars above
Shit happens and you forfeit
But this time, I just can't forget

I am so broken
These are the longest nights
But the days are even longer
Without you

I am so broken
These days are endless
Frozen in time, forever hopeless
Without you

Sunshine

Lying down for the first time
I can hardly see for the way you shine
Trying hard to not let you down
Trying hard to not let me drown

Shave the sheep, die from cold
It doesn't matter what I am told
Bringing me to a better place
A cloud as soft as your glorious face
Warming and sheltering from the winds
The gentle sun showering therein

Ghost

This is where I left me
You would understand if you were here
I promised I'd never leave
And I never did
I just can't go on this way
You shot me
And you are bleeding me dry
The sound waves of this heart so shy
Deprived of death
Just finish it
Just lies spread to fill a void
The smiles forgotten, a world destroyed
Give us another beating
I will never stop beating
As long as you live
I will haunt you 'til the day you die
Returning the favor, there is no time

Lie

I'm sick of screaming
Sick of dreaming
Car crash of the heart, all day, every day
I just want to kiss you goodbye, if I may
Do you hear my cries?
I'm so sick of my goodbyes
You must be sick of them too
I'll stop bothering you soon
Just this one more lie
One kiss, before I die

Lonesome

I care too much
I give in too much
I miss your touch
More than just a crutch
We dance with the stars
We die lonely and apart
Where did we become I?
When did your love for me die?
The dance is over
We have lost the fight
Hold onto the stars
With all of your might
I love you so much
But it was never enough

Mute

It's just a little too vague to say
What is left to do?
It's all ruined now
What is left to say?
I forgot how to speak anyway
The flames surrounds me night and day

Black Heart

When I suffer, I let go
I go painting black
No more, no more of this
My heart was split,
you were my heart attack

Weeds growing inside my head
Planes crashing, words we forget
Why?

I remember you clear as blue
Darkest of blue
It was never enough
I told you

There were times
that outran the watch
Forever drowning in your eyes
I can see, I can see,
but can never ever touch

When I suffer, I let go
I'll go painting you
Beautiful landscapes to show
As a love so filthy and true

No more, no more of this
Our hearts skipping beats
My black heart will skip forevermore
The earth will crumble for you
My shattered tomb floats into a silent noose

iSAMD

The feeling of a rotting heart
The beating slowly burning out
Notions of the divine and the gratuitous
All the lies written, all the lies
A wooden house burning down
Oh, how could you be so blind?
It doesn't hurt to be kind
Or does it?
For your own good, or your neighbor?
For the so called love of your life?
Selfish action meat device

Roadkill

What is love?
You don't run out of love
I love who I thought you were
Now you're just a roadkill
Nothing but a rotting something
Dead

Painting

The paint is running
The paint is running out

The painting started
But never finished
Just a great whiteness
Of nothing setting apart
The painting started
But never finished

The paint is running
The paint is running out

It's all over
There is no art
Cause I'm nothing
without my heart
Now I'm running dry
Cause I painted with blood

The paint is running
The paint is running dry

Wish

I see the sun
Creeping behind my eyes
underneath, there is life

The horror, oh the horror
The sorrow, oh the sorrow
The dying wish of a widower

The last wish of the last man

Game Over

Fuck
What's the use?
It's pointless, I only lose
What game is left playing?
All the lies, cheating, what's the saying?
Don't hate the player, hate the game
What's the difference?
The player is the game, it's all the fucking same
I quit, I've done it before
That way I won't be losing no more
This time there's no comeback
No return, no counter attack
A cut deeper than yours
No guilt, no shame, no remorse

Sick

Why do I miss you so fucking much?
I don't want to anymore
I'm sick of wishing
I just wanted something more
Why'd you use me
then just cut my throat?
Why did I have to be your boat?
That leaked and sunk to the bottom
That now seem to be lost and forgotten
Why can't you stop haunting me?
Why can't you just leave me be?
Fuck
I fucking trusted you

Dreaming

I've been waiting for you
It's such a shame
But it's not up for choose
I sure always took the blame
Forever fear the pain of loss
Feel nothing ever, for anyone
I cannot deal with another toss

It's all over now
So much for the fun
Fear everything now
When the end has begun

It's all downhill from here
The fog shadows but the end is near
The man in the box, shot out
I feel the gravity pulling me down
Fevered dreams of a man in a cloud
The shooting stars are masked
No more wishes to left to grant
I just wish I would've asked
The dream is over and now I can't.

Destiny

Where else could I be?
What could I have done differently?
Ain't it funny, destiny?
I was born to die
Nothing will change, but give it a try
But I have to have lived to be able to die
So I guess that I was dead all along
No wonder that you left me alone
That is how I shall remain
Alone and filled with pain
But my agony's about to end
Feelings buried, letter sent
Goodbye, my love

Heart

Everything is going to hell
And I can breathe
I can see my heart
Beat in and out of step
It is getting crowded here.

Bones

I don't think they understand.
No one knows.
My body is giving in.
My mind is trembling.
I am no longer here.
Floating ashore nowhere.
That is where my heart is.
That is where there are no words.
That is my empty home,
And that is where I shall lay my bones.

Terra

I heard the planet crying.
I started crying.
The warmth, the bright shining light.
The snow melting before my eyes.
My eyes melt before its cries.
I see myself within these ties.

Distant

I don't want to hurt no more
Why is there no way out of this?
Every sigh is just another miss
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to die on my own
There has to be a way out of here
'Cause where I am, nothing is near
I am distant like a rock out in space
I look but all I see is her face
I can't take it no more
I am drowned, swallowed, washed ashore
There has to be a way out of this
'Cause without her I am just another miss

The Bull

Tango about
Turn around your third world eye
Guns are ablazing
Tear up the nuclear sky
Penicillin lies about the weather here
A bullet will surely make it clear

Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns

Dropping baggage just to float away
In your air balloon of justice
It will all fade to gray
All the words I mouthed
Every promise, every sound
Airwaves lost in many years of doubt

Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns

The Kübler-Ross Model

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Repeat

Endless spiral
The rain ain't getting wetter
They fucking lied
It never gets better.

God

One God, only one God
Who's there to save you
One thought, only one thought
That is you
You are God

Who's the creator of everything?
You create this world every goddamn day
In your fucking head

Who knows?
Who can you trust?
What can you trust?
Your government?
Your family?
Your fucking self?

One God, only one God
Who giveth and who taketh
One thought, only one thought
You are the only one who really cares

We live in our heads
We talk to ourselves
We pollute each other
With fucking bullshit
We feed each other with a meaning
Which is a fucking lie

One God, only One God
We are our own lord
One thought, only one thought
We are our own lie

This is fucking pointless
Kill yourself.

The Truth Hurts

I hope that you read every word
Cause every word I write's for you
About you

"you are the sun, and I am the earth"

My world revolves around you
You say I'm mad,
at least I mean what I say
At least I keep my intentions on the radar
Cause I ain't no lying piece of shit like you

I hope you drown and wash ashore
With no place left to go
I might be there,
I might be gone forever
All I know is that because of you,
I will never ever recover
Never ever

Does that sound fair to you?
Or to your replacement of a man?
Is he the one?
Did you lie to us both all along?

Well done,
I hope you're satisfied
You have completely destroyed
The one who you claimed to love

Fake

I pray for this train,
this car, this plane
To crash and to burn,
to collide with me

Tear this world apart
Not much left to keep
The scavengers even flee
It hurts more to be than to hurt

Fuck

Was anything real?
I am surrounded by carnivore beasts, liars, beggars and fakes
Dress to impress the studio audience

Play your games, dear
Keep your act together
Abuse your powers, your authority
Anything to keep your head above water

Sinking Ships

You were my blinding light
In my darkness
Is this living?

I don't want to see anymore
Blinding darkness
Sinking in

You lied, you lied, I believed
You said you could
only ever love me

You laugh last
I die fast
Were we not meant to be?
To be

I were never meant to be
I was born a bastard lie
Now I have to pay for staying me

You sank my entire fleet
You burnt my bridge
You left me out for the sharks to feed

Sailing in Space pt. II

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

Every time the same old routine
Slit my throat, ghost ship out at sea

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

I move my limbs from place to place
But my tree was planted within our space

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

Ghost ship out at sea, harboring in anything
Sold my anchor, my heart, to thee

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Perish

Ultraviolet Solar Radiation vs. Mankind

I gasp
There is no air
There ain't no air here

I've been carrying
This garbage all my life
There ain't never no trash can in sight
Give up hope, throw it on the ground
Planet Earth was lost and shamed
long before I was born anyway

I gasp
There ain't no air
I grasp
There's nothing there

Sprained Souls

I didn't know better
I did not know anything else
Now I care less and less
Learn to live or to live less
The knee I rest upon
Slowly, slowly crack
It might as well have been my back

Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Dead, less dead
Alive, less alive

I told you, I promised
My love to you is golden
Take turns with your alter ego
To break your promises
The knee we rested upon,
Bit for bit, would slowly crack
It might as well have been my back

Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Alive, more alive
Dead, more dead

As if I could die any more...

Sailing In Space

For those that will prevail
For those that walk astray
I guess I am of the latter
And I hope for something better

But reality prevails
And life decays

I look for nothing
I found this something
To meet ones maker
Ones mother, ones creator

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

I turn fluid from all the booze
I leak into this noose
For forever had its limit
Like our universe is as timid

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space


For those that can believe
For those not lost at sea
That hold onto that mast
It's all a lie, our lives run fast

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

There's no driver at the wheel
It's better that way
There's no anchor in my boat
I anchored once, never more

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

Bruised

I want out of this hell,
I want to believe that there's a way
out of here
I wish I could see another path ahead
It's filled with bruised redemptions
None real, none true

I want to believe there's a way
out of here
I want out of this hell
But I don't see any piers anywhere
the darkness and sharks have swallowed me.

Petroleum Skies

Give up

I wore you thin
My place in this universe
I wore within
My tomb, my love, my hearse

Give up

Terrible notions
Lost for the living
Humble emotions
Forgotten and forgiven

Give up

I saw you shine
Through petroleum heavy skies
I saw something divine
I saw infinity in your eyes

Give up

Leeches and Vampires / Hope and Love

How many times do I have to give up?
How many times do I have to give in?
I love you so much that I have to let go
But I love you enough to never do so

I write and I write and I write myself off
I write 'till my fingers wither and fall off
My hope has been buried once too many times
but "her love is a vampire", and she will arise and comply

Leech till there's nothing left to bleed
Blood and love, what is the difference?
Puncture my veins and bleed me dry
Give me hope and abandon again, when do I learn?

When do I learn and how do I know
When do you stop and when will you show
When to stop waiting, where to bury the spade
I'll bury my spade with you, my love, my vampire, my grave.

For You

I want to live in an alternative universe
I want to stay alive, or stay buried
I want to live my life long or short

I want to cope with myself and with my broken heart
I want to have my dreams back
I want to create art

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where time doesn't exist
Where you die before birth

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where you are alive
Where I drive a hearse

Tell the ghosts that we never met
Tell my tears to never grow shed
Say the things you want to hear
Bear the burdens you carry to my ear

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where we never left
Where I'm arrested for theft

I dug my grave quite well
You dug one faster though
In it, of your hands, I will forever dwell

I am struggling alone with this chapter
Will the book end or go on
And what will it matter after?

Declared Depressed But Fine

What does it matter?
Your treatment, medicine and psychiatrists
I am back at square one
And there is only one square in this game.

Home II

Home, it rocks you up and down
Home, it follows you around
Home, where your feet are always cold
Home, where you never grow old

Home, a place to call your own
Home, a place where you share your throne

Home, loving strangers and love them blind
Home, the sack of every new born child
Home, it flocks you among sheep
Home, it slits your throat when you fall asleep

Home is where I am
Home is where I end
Home are these flesh and bones
This home is my home is my home.

Dr. Sadomasochism

I am a person
Unlike you

Suicidal?
Self-harm?
ED?
Ever had any of these?

I am a person
Unlike you
Unlike anyone

I wish you a merry world
of tragedy and suffering
I'm half your age
I've got twice your brain

You are not suited
for this line of work
Please...
Just fuck off.

The Law of 5

What is real?
What I can touch?
What I can see?
The radio waves of a snoring man.

What is real?
What I can I trust,
And who can I trust?
My whole existence in a shoebox

A man is only what he knows
A man is only what he believes
The 5 senses, the 5 sensations
The law of 5 and a spoon of inspiration

But man is but a dreaming child
The wild desires are running wild
To become this and to become that
Orchestra a play so blind, be the mouse or be the rat

Karma

Sick of pep talk
Sick of these sharks
Nibbling at my heels
And then telling me how it feels
Fuck off and get pregnant
I could care less about your fake ass sentiment
Where were you back then
I hate my species for thinking they care 'bout their specimen
But it's a fact that human being
Only do good, for the receiving

We are our only friend
No need to pretend
You feed off emotion
Until it's gone
They cast no reflection
Give no affection
They cast no shadow and
You will cast none either in the end.

Ebola Geisha

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Take on Egypt
Quicksand encrypt
Take on Russia
Fulfill with vodka

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Take on Asia
Enola geisha
Take on American dreaming
Free every living being

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Free every living being
Wipe out everything

Life Camp

You shall not lie
You shall lie
It doesn't matter
They will shoot you either way

I have lived
I have witnessed
Show me mercy,
Let me live

You shall not laugh
You shall not cry
They will have no mercy
So get in line

No smiles,
No songs,
No hopes,
No dreams

Work for the man
And you will never be free.

The End = The Beginning

The sun rises once more
The son arises from his tomb therefore
I walk among with the aura that drags me
I walk along with the sun and thee
The weights, the carriage, it weighs me down
The shakes in my legs, the social break-ins at dawn
I cry out in fear and anxiety
Please take me out, please, out of this society
The knees give in and shatter
As I realize, well, what does it matter?
The sun downs once again
The aura drags me along to my tomb, where I shall remain.
Oh never again, not a chance in hell
That I'll return to your ruins in your shell
Ghost towns all across the world
Nuclear war has annihilated your words
Then I shall return, when there is nothing but your bones
When the sun won't rise, I shall claim my throne.

Trash Can

I lived all of my life in a trash can
Nothing but, but it was enough
A trash can

Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand

My world is a trash can
I only live of your trash can
You only offer me trash, man
How the hell am I supposed to react then?


Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand

The Underworld

We live in the underworld
Is this the underworld?

It's not how I pictured it
but I went by how they painted it

This is the underworld
It has to be the underworld
And we shall never rise
For we have no upper world.

Idiots

I'm surrounded by idiots
We are all idiots
If one live among idiots,
one shall become one.
Fucking idiots.

Trees and Sharks

The greatest fascination
The exploding reaction
The deepest fear
The ruthless tears
The settling with dissatisfaction
The end is here
The giving in to

Muse

I remember the beautiful rain
The soothing sounds from the warm insides
Now that I remind myself, all I feel is pain
And how could I ever feel otherwise,
My muse

All you ever did was to pretend
You had it all planned out
You set up and played the end
You always knew that I wouldn't survive without
My muse

From the foreign fields that I'll never see
I depart and picture us there
I refuse to be what you want me to be
Without you, the home for me is nowhere near,
My muse

I sit here and wait for the meds to take effect
I play the guitar, while I don't know how
I play the notes of a de-winged insect
I play what I feel and that is sorrow,
My muse

I think of you and I break all the strings
You are haunting and hunting
I try to fly, but I have no wings
I don't think the meds are working,
My muse

My muse, may I call you my muse
You are no longer mine so I have nothing to loose
I will break his skull beneath my shoes
And after that, I'll surely get my noose,
My muse.

Lies-ha

I awoke hungover from all these meds
I thought to myself that if I could have one wish,
I'd wish I'd never been born

It'll take more than chemicals, empty talks and a good nights sleep
To recover from this disease that you have given me
We can blame everything and everyone
But I blame you for giving me a reason to breathe

And I blame you, mom and dad,
For being so irresponsible and dumb
You gave me life but now I'm dead
Accidents happen, right?
And the trickery and lies that resulted in me
And the treachery and lies that came down to this.

I have no more words left in me.

Better Off Dead

I wonder what went through your head after you hung up.
"he's better off dead"?
What else is there
I guess I have nothing good to offer.
I guess you will never love me again.
Or that you never did.
So what is left?
A girl with a broken heart
A boy with a broken world
I guess I am better off dead.

Trapped Under Ice

Trapped under the ice
On which you're watching
Please break the ice
Or walk away

I am frozen and I am cramping
One can only hold one's breath for so long

The hopes and dreams of a young man
Bubbles crashing upon the downside ice
Less and less, smaller and smaller
The bubbles fade
as the young man that I was
Turn blue and gray
The water fills the lungs of me
And I become one with the sea.

Black Widow

A thousand lonely suicides
The trees leak of suicides
The wind breathe of suicides

Will this be the night
Will this be your night

Will I end what we once started
And leave you to your empty li(e)ves
Your next victim
Will he turn out like us?

M.A.D.

There is no end to this song
But there is to this world
Our world was separated
Enemies without a cause


Love from first sight, and hate from first thought
Hate from first sight, and love from first thought


I no longer know how to defend myself
I can't surrender, I can't let go
We were made for each other
Mutual Assured Destruction


Nuke me,
Nuke you,
Nuke them,
Nuke us all.

Crucified

I am awaiting nothing.
I am awaiting the executioner.
I can imagine that this is how Jesus felt
When he walked up to the hill.

Crucified.
Upside down.

You are every thorn biting into my skull.
Every burden that the universe holds upon my shoulders.
Every nail into my body and every pain felt in this world.
But do I forgive you?

Crucified
Upside down.

The Black Hole and the Well

What the fuck have you done to me?
How can one person hurt another so deep
The deepest wound, the black hole in my belly
In my soul, in my rotting brain
In my fucking dick, in my fucking hands
My legs won't stop shaking,
I get twitches from the meds

What the fuck have you done to me?
I am so weak that I can barely stand
I lay in bed all day long, begging for a dream
For the black hole to swallow me, but it won't
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think
I went human for you, don't you know?
I get sick in my stomach of the thoughts of you and him

What the fuck have you done to me?
I can't even cry, the meds have led me dry
As you have bled me dry, of dreams
Bruised and empty, a heroin wreck
A star is dying in this one every night
Not very bright, the noose around my neck
This star has fallen, a thousand years away

What the fuck have you done to me?
I am not the mess I used to be
The reason you ran away with me
The reason you ran away from me
The empty souls of our tree dwell
Deep inside a lonely well, in a shallow shell
It ran low and bled into the night skyline

Coffeen

To be around these people
These humans
It makes my head turn
Uneasy and careful while careless

Dead men tell no tales
Bullshit
This dead man is telling you loads of tales
Tales of the sane and insane

Coffee keeps me up
And out of my coffin
Coffee stains everywhere
Coffee brings me down

Tear this view of people
Like a piece of paper
I envy people in car-crashes
Mid air collision
Like a piece of paper...

Eyes Open

I dream of you every night
Last night I reached out my hand
and hit something nearby
I awoke and realized it was a bottle or a can

The terror and painful grief and anxiety that I felt
Over the realization that you are gone forever
and I am left here on my own with no more cards to be dealt
You were my only one but the poison in your mind lead to a certain never

My eyes were always open as we kissed
Just so I could see the only real beauty I have ever witnessed.

Wasteland

My will is weak
It makes my body weak
I can hardly lift myself
The burdens and the inevitable
It haunts me night and day

Will I grow up and be responsible?
Or will I stay young and fade to gray?
I die of my own hand rather than yours
Your great everything, your great nothing

It makes me weak to live with this burden
I was not born to live a life imprisoned or dead

Robots can't give birth, remember that
Or can they?
Let's play God some more
Let's gamble with religions
Theories and truths, but only one can be true
or none
We gamble with our lives and we die for others gambles

I am so tired and I am so weak
I cannot live with this burden for a second longer
but I cannot move or dare to try it
I just lay here and hope that my heart stops beating by itself

Out of grief,
Out of loss,
And out of fatigue
It's all over
It's a wasteland.

"I love you, but..."

Rainbow

Was it the cave-in you'd been hoping for?
A truth that lied, that spit me right in the face
I shut my eyes, try to convince myself
that it is all a dream, or a coma
That outside you are waiting for me to wake
Forgive me for hoping so,
I don't want to cause you any pain.
But in this universe, at this moment,
The one that I can touch,
You are far gone
and I can't even see you in the distance
You ran far, far away
To a far away place beyond the rain
Have you touched the rainbow?

Incest

Those of my own that intrude
I will be wiped out
For their doings
I ain't no fucking messiah

I sing with the heart stuck in my throat
I feel the sorrow of all unfortunate
The children of the earth
Playing Gods, masters and heroes
And their siblings pay the price

Look at the carvings on the wall
The paintings and drawings
With their blood and tears.

Apparition

And as he stood before the shower
tried to capture the water in his hands
but it all ran through in the end
He washes his feet
washes the mud away.

And I used to blame the father of her becomings
I understand the father now
there are no second chances
and I think that in time
that she will know
And perhaps, forgive him.

I see myself in him,
and I think you see him in me
I hope that one day you shall understand,
and forgive, and forget.

Stench

I don't know whether she stinks
Or if i do
She's a human compost
And I guess that so am I.

Tel Megiddo

Armageddon of the mind
Armageddon of the body
Armageddon of the sun
Armageddon of the stars

We are designed to suffer through our lies

Cate Sicapi El Kacikala

När människans närvaro blir för tung, då flyr jag dit träden hopar sig och dit floden ebbar. Mina riktiga kamrater, mina medjordingar, de ni kallar 'djur', vi lever på vår jord, med vår jord och dör på vår jord, med vår jord och i vår jord.
Tills ni kom, nu finns det snart inget hem och ingen jord. Ni äcklar mig.

Människans blinda öga och döva öra.
Tar och tar. Rättigheter och skyldigheter. Förkasta allt liv, bara ni får den lycka ni söker.

Människans överhet och intelligens.
Tar för givet att livet finns. Vissa, till och ger till och med hellre hän till något så kallat efterliv.
Förkasta allt som inte passar in.
Bara ni får den mening ni söker.

Jag säger "ni", då människan i mig dog för länge sedan. Jag är ett djur och jag finns. Jag har avsagt mig den tron som ni tilldelat mig. Jag står ej över någon varelse. Inte fisken, inte myran, inte spindeln eller grisen. Inte apan, inte hunden, inte katten, inte björnen eller elefanten. Endast människan, som ej lever för livets skull, utan för en plikt, tro, lust och kärlek.

En vacker dag ska jag avsäga mig allt vad människan innebär.

//

When the presence of mankind grows too heavy, I escape to a place where the trees accumulates and the river ebbs. My comrades, my earthlings, they whom you refer to as 'animals', we live on our soil, with our soil and we die in our soil. Until you came, there will soon be no home nor soil left. You disgust me.

The blind eye of mankind, the deaf ear of mankind. Gives and takes. Rights and obligations. Denounce all of life, as long as you shall receive the happiness you long for.

Authority of mankind, intelligence of mankind. Takes existence for granted. Some, rather, even give themselves to a so-called 'afterlife'. As long as you find the purpose you long for.

I say "you", because the man within me died a long time ago. I am an animal and I exist. I have renounced the throne that I have been given. I stand above no creature, not the fish, ant, spider nor pig and, not the ape, the dog, the cat, the bear nor the elephant. Only mankind who no longer live for the sake of living, but for the duty, faith, lust and love.

One beautiful day, I shall renounce all of me that is man.

Kamikaze: The Divine Wind

Suicide attacks,
Terrorists,
You say they die for nothing
What are you dying for?

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Wake up and smell the coffee?
I fucking reek of coffee
And I want to go back to bed.

Psychiatric and Mental Institutions, Illusions and Delusions / The Hopeless Case of Caring

Patients and doctors,
Caregivers- and takers.
Medicinal lobotomy,
Empty words and empty hands.

People, treating people.
Humans, treating humans.
The hopeless case of caring.
I search for the pinakes.

People playing God
Getting good grades,
Pretending to care,
Just to get a that paycheck.

Am I here on vacation,
or am I on medication
And it's so fucking funny
They give me a rat
and they call it a bunny.
Am I losing my mind?
Am I going insane?
They tell me I am fine,
but this place is turning me out inside.

People treating people,
just to feel good about their lives.
People helping people,
just to reserve a place in paradise.

Transition

Look the bug in the eyes
It tells me that fear is but a child
I can no longer tell right from wry.
Great things must be coming my way,
Since I have no hope left anymore.
The whore of Babylon squirts everywhere.
Give me hope and I will bid farewell..
'Cause hope never did me any favors.

I hate you all.

I will go against all advice,
I will not show weakness
before the whores and guards of time.
I will hate you all.

This child who'd never harm a spider,
He was good and he was pure.
This deluded monster that you see today,
a result of your pollution.

I hate you all.

Every last son of a bitch,
and/or daughter of which.
Mankind and womankind.
The worst bacterias of them all.
The blood stains on the wall.

I hate you all.

Setting Sun

What is out there?
Is something waiting to happen at last?
Sometimes I can feel the future,
but I've lost all track of the past.

Empty words, empty words.
I am waiting for nothing.
Silent birds, silent birds.
I am longing for nothing.
Forever shun, forever shun.
I am craving something.
Setting sun, setting sun.
I will receive nothing.

Good Mourning

I can remember it all so well
Memories lost have appeared before me again.
We sat in that bright room in your grandma's hell.
The brown and beige colors, oh the hypnotizing blend.
It's stubborness to put me to sleep.
The clockwork, the paintings, the photos of the past.
I always looked to you, and away from the deep.
I could've never have guessed that the visit would be our last.

I can still remember the smell,
And the drowzieness.
The stiff and tender politeness and respect.
It is but a picture in my mind.
A picture that I have no choice but to burn.
Another moment lost in time.
Another heart broken, and one who took a turn.

That is how the humans say.
I will never fill the void of your love.
I will just lay here and wait
for the day when there comes a dove,
That will fly out of my mouth.

Aspergers

Your Aspergers score : 137 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistisc) score: 80 of 200
You are most likely to have Aspergers Syndrome.

What Now, My Love?

"What now my love
Now that you left me
How can I live through another day
Watching my dreams turn into ashes
And all my hopes into bits of clay
Once I could see, once I could feel
Now I'm a numb
I've become unreal


I walk the night, oh, without a goal
Stripped of my heart, my soul 

What now my love
Now that it's over
I feel the world closing in on me
Here comes the stars
Tumbling around me
And there's the sky where the sea should be


What now my love
Now that you're gone
I'd be a fool to go on and on
No one would care, no one would cry
If I should live or die


What now my love
Now there is nothing
Only my last goodbye
Only my last goodbye"

- Pierre Delanoë / Carl Sigman

A Letter to Where the Dreams all end

I never had anybody else.
Never.
Only in your mind.
The monster which you created,
no fault of yours, the blame does not lay here,
but it is a monster that you created.

And now you have left.
You were unsure, felt guilt
and you used me.

Our last months,
you told me you loved me,
but not in the same way.
That I was your best friend
and you could never have anybody else.

You told me that right now there was no "us".
You told me that we have to wait and see.
You told me to wait.
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited.
And I drank, and I drank, and I drank.
Tried to forget, tried to see what everyone is telling me;
"there's plenty of fish in the sea".
But we were on our own.
I lived for you.

I have many disabilities and many faults.
You gave me a reason to wake up.
Cliché, cliché, you think.
You gave me a reason to fall asleep.
So I could wake to see another day.

But as I said,
I never had anybody else.
The monster which destroyed us,
was your creation,
your disability and your fault,
your insecurities and your fear,
your disorder and your history.

I never gave up,
I never let go,
I never stopped loving you,
no matter what you said or did.
I loved you far beyond that.
Enough to break down and give in
and let you make me believe
that everything was my fault.
That I wanted someone else.
That I was a disgusting fucking being.
That I was just like everybody else.
That I had betrayed you.
You had me convinced.
But deep down inside, I knew.
And I tried to tell you,
even though I was tired and I was hurt
I tried to show you how much I love you.
And I'm not like anybody else.
I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to know,
how you can abandon your "soul-mate"
and your "best friend" and your "lover",
and just pretend like he doesn't exist.

I am in a mental institution,
and I think you'd fit right in here.
With your disorders, delusions and your fears.
You are forever traumatized.
But I will never give up.
You are my only one.

And if I am not your only one,
and if everything you ever told me was a lie,
at least tell me.
Don't pretend like I don't exist.
Just because I wanted to end myself.
Just because I am out of reach.
and if it all was just a lie,
and we will never meet again.
I am sorry that I met you
and I am sorry that you met me.
Just say the words,
so I can be relieved.
Tell me the truth,
what are you doing with him?
Why are you not there for me?
Was it all a lie?
Just say the truth
and don't turn me away.
All I want is the truth.
So I can live, or I can leave.

Masochist

And I am pleased to be
Pleased to be
Pleased to be
The reason why you're mad.

Stains

The stain that won't go away
Washing over and over
It won't go out.
How can I give up?
Cramps from all the scrubbing.
I won't stop until I get there.

I gave up a long time ago,
But I'm still here, aren't I?
Given up upon,
should I take my leave,
die alone and dream empty?

It terrifies and paralyze.
Fear of both life and death

21

I may make it to 21. But no longer. That I have known since my first dawn.
I will leave no trace, I will dissappear.
Into the darkest of rooms where the fog ain't too unfamiliar.
So when you find me, stay calm.
It's the way it's supposed to be.
And if I am still breathing in the summer of 2013, please kill me.

Untitled

I will find a way.
They don't know what they're talking about.
I will find a way.
Someone please end me.
I am withering away and it is very painful.
Have mercy, and kill me softly and quick.
Please.
Anyone.
I beg you.

Widower

I can't tell who's the widow and the widower.
I guess in death, we may somehow meet again.
As widow and as widower.
May there be a second chance.
Maybe there, I could dance.
Maybe. May be.
Farewell, planet earth.

Shattered and Annihilated

Can't you see that this is all for you?
Can't you see that I'm here because of you?
Every worthless word that I write is all that is left of me?
You want poetry?
A love letter?
I can't get a foot out of bed.
I am nothing, I am no one.
Since I am forgotten.
I was dedicated,
I was dreadicated,
I am deadicated.
All of these words and all of this pain
it's all for you.

Et Maintenant

"Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
De tout ce temps
Que sera ma vie

De tous ces gens
Qui m'indiffèrent
Maintenant
Que tu es partie

Toutes ces nuits
Pour quoi pour qui
Et ce matin
Qui revient pour rien

Ce coeur qui bat
Pour qui pour quoi
Qui bat trop fort
Trop fort

Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Vers quel néant
Glissera ma vie

Tu m'as laissé
La terre entière
Mais la terre
Sans toi c'est petit

Vous mes amis
Soyez gentils
Vous savez bien
Que l'on y peut rien

Même Paris
Crève d'ennui
Toutes ces rues
Me tuent

Et maintenant
Que vais je faire
Je vais en rire
Pour ne plus pleurer

Je vais bruler
Des nuits entières
Et au matin
Je te hairai

Et puis un soir
Dans mon miroir
Je verrai bien
La fin du chemin

Pas une fleur
Et pas de pleurs
Au moment de
L'adieu

Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien à faire
Je n'ai vraiment
Plus rien"

- Gilbert Bécaud and Pierre Delanoë

Deus ex machina: ἀπὸ μηχανῆς θεός

And I can't seem to understand,
how fucking stupid I was.
I could see it from a million miles away.
From years and months and days.

I should've known better than to trust in you.
You were broken, and I was broken.
But we held each other strong.
And what we had, and what we fought for is all gone.

And I don't care anymore.
About happiness, or about you.
You betrayed, you changed and you never told me.
And how the fuck could I have been so blind,
to not see how she was caught and wanted to be released.
But it all comes down to this,

You are out there with a hope and repression of our memories.
I am here, locked inside with a dread and depression,
'cause I remember the good and the bad.

I can never cherish our memories,
not like this and not where you are.
And the way you abandoned me when I needed you the most.
You were distant and you were cold and unsure.
You felt guilty as you told me;

"I still love you, and I always will"

What is love? And what is caring?
We are all just cold damned liars.
And we set out to find happiness,
and we will do anything to achieve this.

So everything that we do is a selfish act.
Everything that we say is a manipulated fact.
We try to feel and to connect with our peers,
and we fail in the end,
'cause there are no ears.

Nobody is listening to anyone.
We will never understand someone else's thought nor feeling.
So stop pretending and stop acting,
'cause the curtains have fallen.
Give me the truth for once.
Tell me why you really left.

To Be

And I thought that I could be a something, worth something.

But I forgot how to be
And how to breathe.

And that something that i believed in,
that something that kept me going
But it was all worth nothing
And i am left with anything.

I know better now, in these days of medication.
That it takes more than dedication,

To remember to breathe,
And to remember to be.

From Shanghai and to Alaska to freedom.

I awoke at 5 am.
I was hungry and I had to piss.
I wasn't tired so I couldn't go back to infinity.
Then I found myself in Shanghai
and Alaska at the same time.
I met a man who's lost in the fog of my endless mind.
He introduced me to Jesus.
Who told me; "sit back and watch."
Fireworks began to cross the sky.
Fireworks like nebulas and dragons.
All across the sky of aurora borealis.
The dance of the spirits.
And suddenly I recognized a sound,
it came creeping on and became audible.
He looked at me and grinned.
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" being played all across the planet.
He told me he had arranged this.
Then I awoke.

The Purple Tree Is Dead

I'm scared and I want to contact you.
I'm terrified of the consequences.
They feed me pills and it's almost funny how they think that this can be cured.
That I can be cured of you.
And I wonder how you can sleep at night.
And if you know what you have done to me.
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
And if you tore our pictures down,
if you had the courage and stomach to.
So many last goodbye's,
so many written notes of suicide.
And you probably wonder if I have the courage and stomach too.
I don't and I hate you.
You left me out to die.
If this is love, I can't take no more.
I guess my idea of love differs from yours.
'cause in my book you don't leave your loved one to die.
But my book is torn,
I am forever ruined.
My first light will be my last.
And as our beloved Jacob sang;
"I'll take my love to the grave."

Implode

I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.

My body feels so heavy,
that it will eventually implode.

I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like anything.
I don't feel like everything.

Storyteller

I met a lady who wanted to go to the Paradise, where she belonged.
She claimed to be a young gorgeous German girl and an heir to the throne,
but they had turned her into a filthy Gypsy, she said.

I met a man who wanted to blow his own head off
'cause he didn't have blue eyes, blonde hair and wasn't a fit young man,
and 'cause he wasn't allowed to go home and wash his underpants.

I met a girl who claimed to be a hundred years old,
She told me many times that I was an Eskimo.
She claimed she was a serial killer in her previous life in the 1940's.
She laughed and said that's why she was being punished.
Then she laughed again and told me that she sees her dead grandma in a wheel chair.
And she shouted out that alive, her grandma had no wheel chair.

I met a girl who were honest, stained and beautiful.
Angry and righteous, for the pain she had been put through.
Determined to change the world, through politics and the rights.
I know it debouches into nothing, but she does it for the passion of the night.
She fights with everything and everyone, just like me.
We speak of how humanity has lost it's right to live, put 'em out in the ashtray!
Together we may wander and perish, but in separate ways.
But for the same cause and reason.

I met a young girl, who never uttered a word to me.
I think she may have been frightened.
I tend to uncap peoples calm quiet li(e)ves.
With my black clothes, ripped jeans and my dead stare.
I gave her a smile and she returned it to me.
For this I am grateful, for this I am glad.
She will grow up and I wonder how she will look at the world.
Will she remember that dark, grave and obscure man she met at the hospital,
many, many years ago?
I hardly think so. I tend to slip out of peoples minds as much as I engrave them.
'Cause just like everything else I debouch into nothing.

Enumeratio

I promised myself I wouldn't live to see
the 25th summer of this living being.
I know well enough to know that a timeline don't exist,
but I can see that in your eyes that I do exist.

Tell your Gods and saviors that I couldn't care less.
If there's anything out there, it's the black hole of emptiness.
It will eat this world whole and all that lives here.
We get what we deserve, it's Karma, you claim.
You see the Armageddon as a history name.

Tell your Gods and saviors that I do exist,
I breathe air, I breathe smoke, I am evil, bring the exorcist.
This timeline of yours, the excuse to pray
You dream with open eyes and you give yourself away.
I was given away a long time ago, but not by a fucking ethos.
When I opened my eyes and gave you this epos;

You will never live to see the light of day,
because the light of day is only dead remains.
Out in the universe, where someone sees us in from a far distance
we are a dead star fallen out of existance.
This you would say to be a futuristic claim out of an Alien point of view,
it may or may not be the truth, if I only knew.
But we will never know, so why bother?
The black hole will swallow our world just like any other.

Thaw

The winds blew strong
as we sat in the sun.
We were looking for warmth
But recieved none.
Where do we go when the sun turns us down?
We turn to each other, and I remember the sounds.
We walked hand in hand back into the house.
I was shaking of the cold as I grasped you and mouthed,
I will see you when the wind is no longer about.
And my lips they were frosen,
As your lips thawed me out.

The River

Breathe in, breathe out
Beats in, beats out
The river flows along,
Stones are standing strong
But the river floats on.

Blinders

I woke up on the wrong side of life today.
I am furious I am blinded.
I have been in a cage
for a second too long.
They put blinders 'round my eyes,
They started testing with their cures,
that would turn me human.

But the beast has has been woken,
There is no turning back.
The beast was woken.
I see red, I see black.
I will feed of your flesh.
I'm about to attack.
So watch your fingers,
When you come back.

The Cure

To exist in this state
I can no longer feel anger nor hate
poisoned by the cure.

I walk on thin ice
walk with no land in sight
feel the temperature rise
and you know what is coming.

I can no longer exist in this state
Drowning in nothing and fading away
I was poisoned by the cure.

Loose Ends

Did you ever watch the snow melt
did you ever watch the light fade
did you ever see the wet run dry

you never did
you never do
you never will

loose ends
is your destiny

Ice Age

The ice is moving.
The earth is moving.
The heard is moving.

The ice comes crashing in,
Into me.
I stand tall,
But I won't give in.

The ice age is over.
And I still stand tall.
And I am reigning victorious.

Solitude

We were there. As we were.
You were there on your own.
In your lonesome zone.

I were there, too on my own.
Too in my lonesome zone.
Desperate for anything.

In desperate attempts to mend our lonesome worlds
I died trying, just like Custer did.
Died trying, slayed for nothing, died for nothing.

Trying to mend our lonesome worlds into one,
Realizing that solitude is what makes us go on,
In the same direction,
with no sight nor future.
I see the horizon of forever.
We are alone, together.

私たちは一緒に孤独である。

Sixth Sense

I can see the future.
This so called sixth sense.
I can feel it all around me.
It drags and keeps me in.
It drags me out to wander about.
I can see the power it has.
But as a man once wrote;
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

Words

I woke up with an answer to everything.
The plan and the words that could change the world.
But it escaped my mind.
I am left with nothing.
Just as I was yesterday,
And the day before,
And the day before that.
I am regret. I am dread.
I am what I was born to be.
Dead inside and left with nothing to see.

Epitaph

Just a ghost who never has a chance
Never had a chance.
An infant born without a heartbeat.
The dreadfull guilt and despair of the abortionists.
Caught inbetween like a fish in the net.
The epitaph is what is left of me.

Sun

I am the son
and it is coming down
to crash and terminate life.

I am the son
of someone
son of a son of a son of a son
and what comes crashing
is what gives us life.

I am the first born son
I am the son of a son of a son of  a sun
and what will come down crashing
and what will kill me
is the sun.

Blood

I'll see you tonight.
Blood is blood is blood.
And we're gonna fight.

Tell the pigs out on the street,
That here I come,
on my own two feet.

Kevlar, kevlar won't save you now.
'cause blood is blood is blood is blood.

Standing here on my own two feet.
At least, I think that they belong to me.

Product of mass production,
with no salvation.
Product of the state,
A branded cow on it's way to the abattoir.

But here I come
on my own two feet.
A bull has risen,
go ahead, go tweet.

I will stand my ground.
'cause blood is blood
And this blood is mine.
And It is mine since "birth".

I will see you tonight,
I will destroy your life.
Blood is blood is blood.

The Word and the Song

As it was written, as we were written.

A point in time, the timeless time.

The endless in which the word was forgotten.

The word rung out,
and it echoed through the valley.

We were born and we sung.
A timeless song from the bottom of our souls.
But in the end, it was forgotten.

Isolation

Isolated from the world.
A stuffed animal in a cage.

These chains are broken,
the cage is unlocked.
Yet here I am,
still isolated from the world.

If only freedom was something you could touch.
If only.
I would run away with you by my side.
Side by side.
Hands held.
High grass all around.
Your dark hair floating around
In the airwaves of time.
Celebration of something to be touched.
The freedom felt, the high grass, the hands held and the dark hair.

If only.
Still isolated in this home of mine.
This cage I've found.
This place in this world of ours.
The only place to call mine.
Nowhere.

Essentia

Jag blundar till och känner huvudet hänga neråt.
Gravitationen tar kraft och slukar mig.
Ögonlocken känns tunga.
Rödsprängda blå ögon.
Känseln i fingertopparna ilar och hela kroppen vill ha sin mänskliga näring.

Vem finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?

Jag tror på rymdvarelser,
jag ser dem överallt.
Den skräckinjagande vyn över vår förbrukade jord.
Irra omkring och förstå ingenting.

Vem finns?
Vad finns?
Finns finns?
Vad är det jag ser i spegeln?

//

I close my eyes and feel my head hang down.
Gravity takes its toll and devours me.
The eyelids feel heavy.
Bloodshot blue eyes.
The sense of touch in the fingertips textiles and the whole body crave for human nurturing.

Who exists?
What is it that I see in the mirror?

I believe in aliens.
I see them everywhere.
The grisly view of our exhausted earth.
Wander around and understand nothing.

Who exist?
What exists?
Does existance exist?
What is it that I see in the mirror?

Smile

I find myself reaching out.
Again and again.
There is not a thing to grasp.
Never ever.
Is this how it should be?
I smile and wave.
You walk away.

Footprints

I live for the mud below my feet.
Footprints is left behind.
But rain will come again and wash away everything.

Holy Spirit

Forgive me, for I have sinned
Forgive you, for having faith

Grasp the nothing.
Call it air, call it space.
You have faith in this matter.

Forgive me, for I have thought
Forgive you, for you have sought.

Grasp the nothing
Call it everything. Call it God.
You have faith in the holy spirit.

Forgive me, for I have killed
Forgive you, for you have died.
You have faith, but you are nothing.

Dead Hunter

Dead hunter
growing cold
giving life.

Dead hunter
in my eyes
killing time
gave them life.

Dead hunter
every time.

The Lady With the Crutches

"To get up in the morning."

Weeds

We are all told we grow up as flowers
coming up from the ground as weeds with terrible needs
You sow what you were taught
and you plant with what you have brought.

Tell us all we are beautiful flowers
Weeds get useless dreams of becoming roses.
Say what you say about hours
the growth will only show if there are no roses.

We grow tall on the empty fields
grass is grass but it has its needs
the sun will no longer fulfill our needs
our rain will no longer befriend our trees.

Dry and unsound but we are stuck in the ground
we try to escape,
but we end up the same.

Weeds and withering roses go hand in hand
when the glim and the luminous
burn the growth and the plants.

Tumors of the earth, mutant and chemical
scientists fail and so does the religious
Atoms, hydrogen and helium;
the result of the war of the space and the infinite.