Drömhav

Nu vaknar du

Allt verkar böjbart

Jag ser mig runt

Men jag ser inget alls

Jag knyter på skon

Men hon har fått nog

I drömmen fann jag

Ett berg uti ett hav

Med solen finns hon

Och den finns i henne

Men var är du?

Nu vaknar du

Allt verkar böjbart

Jag ser mig runt

Men jag ser inget alls

Jag knyter på skon

Men hon har fått nog

I drömmen fann jag

Ett berg uti ett hav

Med solen finns hon

Och den finns i henne

Men var är du?

Far ut på färd

Och vandra gatorna

Det ser mörkt ut

Så använd stjärnorna

Evigt sittandes tills nu

Nu kliver hon ut

Nu vaknar drömhav

Mitt hjärta slår

Utom takt

Så van vid ett liv

Som är begravt

Supposedly

It's not me

It can't be

You're not here

This is not how it was supposed to be

Luck / Plans

There ain't no such luck

In this place

There ain't no such luck down here

Make plans

And follow through

You cannot win

By staying true

Make plans

That fall through

As everything else

Including you

Price tags & Bodybags

The world's filled with nothing

And nothing's always something

Roaming the earth

With your shopping carts

Pricetags, on body bags at the market

Leap

Throw away

All of our clocks and watches

Time is holding me back

Leap forward forever

And take it back

Feathers

Running from the inside

Waking up cold from the sleep

Swim up

Like it's all just a dream

I know how it feels

In your sky there's a hole

All the lights glow cold

Be the feathers on my wings

If you know how it feels

Swallowing whole the nightmare

Try to throw it up, throw it out

And if no ones there, I will be

Wanted

The world stops spinning

When you are around

When songs revolve around everything

To be wanted,

Oh, oh, oh,

What a wonderful thing it must be

Ashtray

She put the sun out

She put the son out

She put out

Butted out

You can say what you say about me

Forever in fear of dismay

When living in an ashtray

Days & Nights (Shadows)

When all you see is shadows 

When you live in the regret

I don't see people anymore

I don't see life outside my door

The shadow swallows my all

Lay me down so I can survive

Rest, child, tomorrow's another lie

How can things change with time

When time's just the ground which we climb

Day by day, pill after pill

Another meal, another cig

What better way to spend my days?

Another sigh, another yawn

I'll just lay down here out of sight

What better way to spend my night?

Ghost

I've seen the ghost

The rope's been itching my neck

For quite some time now

House of Bones

I built my house with your bones

Your shattered dreams are my home

I share my bed with a reaper

Your life hangs in balance

Your suffering is my talent

I am your God now

Can you 

I smite like it's my job

Falling Stars

When the darksome clouds piled

I was left wishing for a falling star

Years later, fumbling for the pieces

Wishing for a wish, but forgot the reason

Nothing but an obscure thought

Now I find out, you found what you sought

Leading this wreck of a starship

Scared of walking in case I trip

Still here wishing for a falling star

Shame

I feel such shame

To exist as a human being

Knowing that you're out there,

That I'm here,

Where the righteous are fucking wrong

I am ashamed for everything 

Ashtray

She put the sun out

She put the son out

She put out

Butted out

You can say what you say about me

Forever in fear of dismay

When living in an ashtray

Running Empty

I feel like I'm running empty

Out on this highway

And what remains is a lonely, lonely walk

I ran low low on the highway

After the carcrash you left me inside

Now I have to walk all alone

Chemtrail Painting

I never felt such a powerful thrust
Winds howled warm as the snow thawed to rust
I never met a widow of a planet so true
I felt sorrow, but hope blossomed as I looked at you

There might never be a way
The sky is endless as we are born astray
Buy we can soar through the clouds we are trapped in
I'll see you where the sky ends and the ocean begins.

Free the birds from the cage in my chest,
A cage built of grief, anger and despair
A dying chemtrail painting across the air
Fly far away, my love, don't ever look back
As I dig another grave for another hay in the stack

To Want to not to Want

How I can't fill this empty space 

Forgiving all I've learned

Deserving to get so much more

I want to be so much more

I want to be someone

I want to live

I want to strife

I want to see

I want not to die

This whole entitiy makes no sense without you

To want to to not want to die

To not want to want to cry

Every step is another lie

All the time I was saving for

Was just a life that I did ignore

I want others beings just to die

This whole entitiy makes no sense without you

To want to to not want to die

To not want to want to cry

"Writers Block"

Perhaps I should've lived to be able to write. All I am is empty words.

Bad Morning

See myself in a mirror

Got that morning face, morning hair

Hungover on life

Bad, bad mornings

Stab myself in the face

Rip out my hair

Bad, bad mornings

My bed is now a coffin

I think I will die

Choking on black coffee 

Untraditional

Untraditionally romantic

Never appreciated 

Holding hands

Acting as a pillow too

And when I sleep alone

The pillow is acting you

But it's not like it should be

It's not like the movies 

And it's not like the life

I'm untraditionally romantic

I will love you

Glove

I don't know how I'd get outta this place

I keep stepping up to the plate just to fall right off again

A cloud filling down a cup, never enough,

Overflown with guilt until it bursts

Laying around, killing the pain

To wait so long, it'll drive you insane 

Waiting for a friend to grab me by the hand

A hand in a glove in the winter winds

No Lights

How we tell each other that it'll all be fine

That it'll all work out

While we know for ourselves that it's a one way lane 

With no lights after dark

Picking Flowers

My mind is bleeding

Leaking like a blown up sewer

Wanting but can't be reading

All the good things become the fewer

My guts are boiling acid

Emotions are running loose

The mind remains flaccid

Picking flowers to braid a noose

Hunting people, saving things

Trapped in a room with truth

Death comes crying as bells will ring

Righteous murderer, who lets you choose

The son of guilt will be the herd

The blood runs down from the moon

'Cause someone must grasp the reins

And bring all hell down on you

Cough

Waking up staring down a gun barrel

The hatred is filling the lunga of a drowning baby

I want to murder an destroy everything in my way

Most of all myself

Have you ever woken up staring down a gun barrel?

I wonder exactly how long it will take

Before somebody even notices I'm gone

But I'm done with my thoughts

I'm done with your actions

I'm done with these feelings

I'm done with what I see

If I cough one more time, I'll slit my fucking throat

If you say a damn word, I will choke

The Cause

I am running out

Of these hollow fields

What I'm stuck here for

No death could ever heal

The cause is a mind

And for that there is no pill

The earth is spinning on

As I am standing still

Such amount of weight to shoulder

It's much too much to bare

I'll dig a grave much deeper

Than the love I always shared 

The Comfort Zone

I am wide awake when I will kill myself
I never chose a different path
Street lights are glowing
Just like eyes that are knowing
We will never forget
But never remember
The comfort zone
I'm leaving
Adios

Rain

I float on an ocean of alcohol
No rain will bother me
Pretend that I never existed
The memory is dim
Your mother is conflicted
In the flutters of the end of outer rim
I'll pretend I was aborted
I'll never let myself live

Digestion

Life could not digest me
So I pulled it out for just this time
Yeah

I'm stepping out of life
So I'm pullin out this time
Yeah

I imagine this is how a burn victim feels
So I'm pulling out for good
Yeah

Mother's Day

I will regret it for the rest of my life
But hell, what's another regret?
Put 'em on the pile, learn to forget
Killing life with lies and silences

Why, O why, mother?
Did you only think of yourself?
Have you never known of the suicide rates?

Abort, abort, before it begins

Did it never occur?

That agony will pay for all your sins

Paying debts with nothing bought

Life's a lesson never taught

Bring me out before for your eyes

Eyes burnt blind by a sun so bright

A day to appreciate my given health

When all you gave me was a slow death

Mother, O mother,

Death awaits you too

But never, my mother,
Will I forgive you

Post-sleep

I don't know what to do
As sleep didn't save me
Cause when I woke up
There was no one beside me
You're still far away and you won't even speak to me

A big black empty space in bed
A black hole where you used to be
I'm sorry for whatever I did
I can't seem to get a hold of me
I can't seem to be someone else
Or good enough to save myself

You don't have to love me back
Just don't be gone forever like all the rest

Lonely Highway / Summer's End

Don't you know
I haven't lead a life to believe
I haven't led a life worth living
As I picture myself in a book or a film
But damn, that's something my life will never be in

I can't wait no more
The crops have come and gone
Died and went beyond
Leaving frozen ground to slip upon
I gotta get out
Before I hit summer's end
I gotta get out
Cause my life's running out again

This time I caught me staring at me
Just like the times before
There's just me and me and me
Gotta let myself know
No one's gonna keep you in their thought
No one's gonna ever pick you up
Gotta walk this lonely highway
Like there's no place left to go

Handsome Noose

Don't give up, boy
There's too much to lose
But when you wake up only
To a sleeping pill and some booze
My dreams can't ever come true
My shadow hangs low in a handsome noose

Ocean Floor

And we'll swim to the ocean floor
And we'll find no open doors
And we forgot we nailed the windows shut
When we lost the word that we could trust

Swear for ones sake
Let love prevail
Showered me in pain
Let this not have been in vain

Weather

The sun is warm to the skin
But the cold winds come after

Shower yourself in love
Tremble not in fear
So tell me, dear,
Was it worth it?

Stay In Bed

Stay in bed
From this day
Until my last
May it come soon

The dawn is breaking
Once more shall life show
But I shall not
I'll stay in bed
From this day until my last
May it come soon

There Goes the Light

Another specially designed coffin
A bed for a child, a meadow for a sheep
A small coffin for another ruined life
Another lit candle, losing what was bright
Because it was too cold and alone
And a candle can't survive, so there goes the light

Dead Living

I don't sing songs of lost love
I sing of love not received at all

All the great poets and lyricist
They had and so they lost
I lay here on my own
As my soul starts to frost

Born dead, baby skeleton in a cradle
Dead living for the living dead
Just another horse in the stable

Dead Crow

Cars drive by one a lonesome highway
The leaves they fell like tears on my face
Now the snow has come and gone
And the life that was is now but hollow bones

I'm just a dead crow at the side of the road

Then spring came and so did the birds
The sun shun, flowers bloomed but by then I was just dirt
The sun kept shining, the life was lived
But not by me, I was but dirt in the street

Driver

No driver at the wheel
I'm taking a ride with my best friend
He feels what I feel
I'm taking a ride by myself

He's unreliable but he's all I've got
Pretending to like him doesn't work
When I need him he's nowhere to be seen
We hate each other, he's no longer a teen
Take the damn wheel, we can't go on this way
Let the damn thing crash, is all he can say
Why don't you take it yourself, you defend
I can't help but to rely on my best friend

No driver at the wheel
We're far off the tracks, me and him
He sees what I see
Crash and burn within
The tires break, my friend escapes
The needy bitch died all alone

Ashes in the Wind (Eyelids)

Throughout all my life,
As I breathe and sin
Keep in mind that no matter how bright
The sun will set just like eyelids

Like ashes in the winds
You wage a war you cannot win
And the best of loves will too cave in
And the life was lost when I ceased to begin
And as I am, as I fall in,
I am ashes in the winds

Bones

Defend your castle
With all your might
I won't get through
The sea will wash my bones away

Cut me down
Burn me up
Leave me be
The sea will wash my bones away

Watch me burn
See me scream
Look at me
Before the sea will wash my bones away

Greenhouse

You are my love
I'm imprisoned, you're my warden
My secret garden
The greenhouse, my graveyard
You are my box,
My sun and stars

I enjoy a good killing
Just like any other
Who's to blame here?
The mother and father?
Anyone at all?
Do you blame me for life?
I have always been small
In a world too bright

I just put them where they belong
From what they came, a worm
To be devoured in a song
A worm for a worm, a world for a world
In my secret garden
My greenhouse
My graveyard

Apologies

I'm sick of apologies
But I am and I will always be
'Cause I may mean well
But I was born in this human hell
And I'm fucked in the head
It must've been something I said
So for forever, my sympathy
And as always, I am sorry

Zero

Empty skies, are filled with stars
Zero is a also number
An empty room is filled with air

Maricha

Place my palm on upon your cheek
With the end of my fingers just beneath your ear
Gently graced by the end of your hair
Softly caress your cheek with my thumb
Rub it from where your tears have streamed
Slowly onwards and onto your lips
I look you straight into the eyes
And I could never look away
So I remove my thumb from your lower lip
And gracefully drag it down to your chin
You look right back into my eyes

Star

And it doesn't matter how far I go
Cause the hurt's like a burning star
And it will always show

Change my thoughts and change my world
But you're the clouded sun of my thoughts

Necklace

Wear me like a locket
Wear me like a noose
Put me in your pocket
Or throw me down the sewers
Do with me what you like
'Cause I have nothing left to lose
The railway ended here,
Right before you

Breathing or Not (Internet Rambling)

[2013-03-15 21:51:10] Ollie: But I don't function properly.
[2013-03-15 21:51:27] Ollie: And the place I've put myself in on this planet
[2013-03-15 21:51:38] Ollie: I've dug a grave so deep
[2013-03-15 21:52:01] Ollie: I made my grave and now I get to sleep in it
[2013-03-15 21:52:04] Ollie: Breathing or not

Chemtrail Painting

I never felt such a powerful thrust
Winds howled warm as the snow thawed to rust
I never met a widow of a planet so true
I felt sorrow, but hope blossomed as I looked at you

There might never be a way
The sky is endless as we are born astray
Buy we can soar through the clouds we are trapped in
I'll see you where the sky ends and the ocean begins.

Free the birds from the cage in my chest,
A cage built of grief, anger and despair
A dying chemtrail painting across the air
Fly far away, my love, don't ever look back
As I dig another grave for another hay in the stack

Smile

Turn around, turn around
Just one more time
Turn around turn around
And you'll see me cry
Turn around turn around
Just one last time

Give me your last smile

Turn that head round,
Show me that beautiful smile
I'm not crying,
I just got something in my eye
Turn that pretty head round another time

Turn around turn around
Just for another day
Turn around turn around
Maybe decide to stay
Turn around turn around
Everything's okay

When you smile
If you smile
Please just smile

Rotten

Demons birthing demons
Some will stand by and watch
Some will be the ones you watch
One rotten apple will spoil the bunch

I Become You

As you scroll through your iPod and no song is ever sad enough. 'Cause nothing in this world could ever be used to express your pain and the sickness in your gut from not dying soon enough. The anxiety pumping straight through your fucking chest as you can hardly breath, you're drowning in your body and you're screaming from pain but no one at the surface can ever hear.
They will never fucking understand, as you could never understand how to spend a waking moment without wishing for a bullet to become one with your brain.

Thin Ice

I'm walking on thin ice again
Pulse is raising, mind is fainting
And the cracks of on my fears
Sounds like post-rock to my ears

Like I've forgotten how I fell
Water is filling the draught up well
And I wonder if I'm born again
The dead is rising up from hell

But just like that the ice broke through
I was captured under ice like an animal in a zoo
I don't blame you, It was I who walked, so I'm too blame
And as fast as I rose, I was pulled back to the grave

Liquid

It may be a losing war
But I'll be here to stop you from bleeding dry
Watching in fright as you run out
I'll put pressure onto your wounds with my mouth
I'll kiss your scars and your wounds

Taming the might of our doubts
Tears running dry along with the blood
The liquid of an empty last though
The pool of injustice and failures
Gathered from a lifetime of death and fears
Convince ourselves, in desperation,
That we will drown forever in one another

Until the very last drip,
Until the very last thought,
I will drink it all and shower in stars

Reflected Conversation (and The Worth of the Last Bullet)

"Take your time,
Be sure to aim well.
This is your last chance,
I saved this one just for you."

So savor the last bullet,
'Cause there's no going back.
So there's no coming back.
I'm not even sorry.
Goodbye.

Return to Sender

I just want to drown in your sorrowed soul
I am too aware that I don't belong

Close to the edge of it all
Waiting for the end of the winter
Lose the feeling in one limb after another
I breathe the last warm air
Into the hollow killing wind
I'm twisting in forevers till I move
Endlessly writing letters to home

But as my air run out
and my letters return
I am too aware that I'm on my own
All I want to do is to drown in your soul

Accepted

I still think about you
Without obsession
I tremble and crumble down
Forever forsaken
Accepted

But as I dream and as I breathe
I drown in the darkest of pools
But for the worse,
I will find you the dark

Footsteps

You're me in another lifetime
Another minute
Another day or night
Another sun or moon
You are me
But still far away
In a forgotten space
Never to discover
The way back here
I guess when you read this
I will be dead
Because time has no limit
Not space to require
You will never exist again

Safe

A fever like dream state
Or nightmare
Scratching on the surface
Like tiny snowflakes on the roof
I don't know how it felt like to be alive
I can't recall

I'm not dead yet, I think

At least I'm shielded
From the cold of the winds
You can't get me now
But neither can I
I have lost control
I am safe but to what price?

Where the Nightmares are

All the sleep in the world
Couldn't save me from myself

Her Name was Forgotten

Waiting for that girl in bright colors
To turn her head and see me
Right in the eyes
Speak to me
I can't survive in this silence anymore

Stars Don't Mind

I'm coming down
Downstream like a log or a fish
I'm coming down
Hit a rock or two and all the ones I missed
I'm coming down
Visiting earth just another last time
I'm coming down
Gravity pulls and the stars don't mind
I'm coming down
Like a meteor in the ocean
I'm coming down
Sinking seems to have become an emotion